For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the physiques of superheroes, male celebrities, and then guys I knew.  After coming home from camp one summer and realizing that one of my guy friends didn't share the romantic feelings I had for him, I went for a walk in the middle of the night.  I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it, and I felt like I was going to explode with anxiety and frustration. 

Unable to speak, I wrote a note to God that started with this line; “Why would you make me this way, and tell me not to live it out?”  I knew that God wasn't an idiot, so I figured I had one of two options.  Either: a) he made me gay, so I should be gay.  b) he didn't make me that way, something else was responsible for my attractions (inborn or not), and so I had to pursue a life that didn't involve having a boyfriend.  

 When “Born This Way” was released, I felt Lady Gaga did a good job of summing up an attitude that I had witnessed for a while; “I was born with a desire, therefore it is my right to have that desire fulfilled.”  It's a persuasive line of thinking, and I really wanted it to be true.  Then one day, I read Psalm 51 where David says “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”  That struck me.  It didn't matter if I was born a certain way or not.  I had felt Jesus call me to follow Him, and to surrender my life to Him.  

 It didn't matter what I felt, His call to me was louder and more important than my sexual attractions.

 I made the decision not to pursue attraction to guys over six years ago.  I still like looking at guys, that hasn't changed too much.  However, God has healed and transformed me in other ways I never expected.  Apparently my sexuality wasn't the only thing that needed fixing!  I don't question my gender at all anymore, even though I struggled with that even more than I did with my attractions.  I once had a fear of most males, and now I have many healthy, deep relationships with guys of all ages.  Most exciting is that God has given me a great hope and desire for a family, of which I had none a long time ago.  In God's time, it will happen.  He can do anything. 

 Thanks for listening. Kevin.