It is pretty hard to walk with someone you love and not ask yourself “what if…”. What if they don’t make it home safely? What if they lose their job? What if they get killed stumbling into a car because they are so drunk or high? What if they get robbed on their way home or beat up? What if they never change? What if they never get sober or clean? The “what if” questions can consume the hearts and minds of those who love them. 

I have NO idea how anyone can walk this wretched path without faith, without the privilege of going to the one who sees all. It is one massive steep climb. I needed God to walk with me (even push me) up that mountain. I know there were times He even carried me. I came to the end of myself many times. I know I am not someone with limitless strength and stamina. I desperately needed what only God could give me. Kind friends and family played a huge role, but they can not give the strength required to get up that mountain. They can cheer and encourage (both of which are great), and … they can pray, which is huge! The Lord, who is my Shepherd, walked with me daily; moment by moment. 

When all you can see seems utterly unredeemable because they just look too messed up, know that as long as they are still breathing, there is hope. I learned to not put my hope in my loved one, but rather I looked beyond and put my trust in God. Psalm 121: 1-2 reads like this: “I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord who is Maker of Heaven and earth.” It was in the looking beyond, where hope was and is born. This is something I had to do countless times. 

There is no guarantee with addiction. Out of 3 alcoholics in my family, only one found sobriety and continues to live day by day making that important choice. My dad never really found sobriety, but I hope and pray he was able to make peace with God before he died. As for my brother, I have hope there as well. Both stories are messy and heartbreaking. I look to God’s mercy and grace. There is nothing else I can do as they are both long passed away. 

We all have to journey pathways we would never choose. Perhaps it is a serious physical illness, or loving someone with mental illness, and it is just so challenging every day. My prayer for you is that you will put your hope and trust in God. I look to Jesus every single day. The challenges I face today are not like they were, but one cannot live without some new trial raising its head. That is simply what life is. We have seasons of joy and laughter, and seasons where life is just plain hard. We all have a choice: how will we face these days? 

I choose Jesus. He has never failed me. He loves me and He loves you and your loved one who maybe keeps you awake at night. If you need someone to help you make the steep climb, I know one who would love to do it with you. You just need to ask Him.