Hearing that your very own young adult has tried to take their life yet again is enough to suck the breath out of anyone. I am not sure how many times we were called to the hospital to sit with our loved one who thought ending life would be easier than going on living it.
The cloak of shame and despair was evident as we sat next to that hospital bed. Needless to say, our prayer life was pretty intense during this season. We always pray- but let me tell you that when you are in this particular pit- the prayers are desperate.
Psalm 23 will forever be a comfort to me regardless of the season I find myself. God promises to us that He is the Good Shepherd- not absent or forgetful. He promises that He will restore our soul and that even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we shall fear no evil. Have you ever wondered “ why is it only a shadow?” I asked God this one day and He reminded me that Jesus who said” He is the Light of the World” is also the Good Shepherd. When you walk with One who is light, we only walk in a shadow because of His great light. I have never liked the dark- so walking through the shadow always gives me hope.
I remember sitting in the emergency area of the hospital during another attempt. I was struck by a security guard sitting just outside the hospital room to make sure our loved one did not leave. I could not believe we were in this same situation yet again and wondered Lord- how will this all end? It is hard to imagine as a parent, watching someone you love so intensely, be so consumed with such hopelessness.
We looked to the Good Shepherd to meet us and He did. We looked to Him to minister to our beloved and He did. I wish I could say and this must have been the last of the trips to the hospital- it was not, nor was it the end of the drinking which was the engine behind all of it. But that day would come. We had to wait and pray.
We celebrated 3 years of sobriety for our loved one this past Spring. We could not be prouder of our son. It is an amazing accomplishment to live sober for him and it is a battle fought every day. He looks to God to help him as do we. He values his life now as God slowly heals the wounds of the soul as only God can.
If you or a loved one has had to walk this path, I want you to know that there is One who is able to comfort you and can reach into the life of that loved one whose life is consumed with ending it. There is no magic formula but I can tell you that for us, our hope was and is in God. May He give you wisdom and strength. This is not a journey I would wish on anyone nor is it one I can imagine walking without the Good Shepherd at my side.