I was thinking back to when my kids were small and the role “ Time out” played. I remember it was really a big deal and it helped them and it helped me.
I remember one day in particular, one of my boys were being really difficult and I felt like tearing my hair out. It was a rainy day and all four kids were pretty tired of being inside and behaviour was not exactly stellar in the Dyck household. I realized that there was one boy who was behind a lot of the grief.
Sometimes we don’t hear ourselves repeating ourselves over and over again. That was me on this day. Like I said last week…. parenting children who do not listen to you is exhausting. I do remember that day thinking '“ what this boy needs is a time out”. I know it is not rocket science but it is really easy to not catch on to what is really needed. It is good to ask questions which I see parents do and if that is enough to curb the behaviour which is not acceptable- then that is perfect. Parents do need another tool in the parenting tool box to reach for when just a conversation was not enough and for me, that was a time out.
I found that it would change the behaviour. I have heard the phrase “reset” and for many kids, it is highly effective. There was times where I gave a 5 or 10 minute time out and it was not long enough. Nothing had changed and I would send them back to their bed to take some more time. I remember several times that when I sent one of the kids, especially when they were very young, I would find them asleep when I would go to tell them that 5 or 10 minutes was up. Sometimes the kids are just plain tired.
I realize that” time outs” do not work for every kid. I was lucky I suppose because they did work for mine. Time-outs gave me the time to calm down if I was really upset about what I was seeing and time for the child to think about what they could do differently. I would always talk to the child about what happened and what they were going to do differently. The child always knew that I meant what I said. I would try to follow up accordingly if they did not change their behaviour.
I was by no means a perfect mom but I certainly tried my best. I had good days and bad days. Remembering that giving a kid “ time out” was often part of a good day as it made the day much more enjoyable for everyone.
How long that time out was depended on how old they are but I confess I did start them pretty young, Willful defiance - when a child does not listen in my humble opinion needs to be addressed. The sooner the better. Kids need to know that listening to mom or dad when they say “ don’t jump into the deep end of the pool” needs to be obeyed. If they learn that listening is optional then that can become a big and even dangerous problem not only that, it can become habit forming and that can be a nightmare for the child and for the parent.
May God give to you wisdom as you parent. It is the hardest job to date that I have had the privilege of doing. I certainly needed all the help I could get and still do from a source that was beyond myself and for me that is always God.