No one needs to take a course on how to hold onto resentment or grudges. We do that quite naturally, all by ourselves. Forgiving others, however, is another matter entirely. The magnitude of the offense can make it more difficult to offer up forgiveness to those who have wronged us. It can sometimes be more difficult to extend forgiveness to the ones we love the most. The hurts they inflict land on the tender places of the heart, especially if we must forgive repeatedly.
The first time I had to work through forgiveness in any significant measure happened for me when I was a kid. My dad had chosen to leave us. My mom gave him the choice between booze or his family, and the booze won. I learned early that I had to forgive my dad and it took many conversations with God over the collection of disappointments and hurts he alone contributed to my young life.
When I started to attend Sunday school, that was the first time I learned about God wanting me to forgive people, even my dad. It took time, but I did it.
Life marches on and there have been countless opportunities to forgive, from family, church people, and friends. As long as we live and relate to people, we will find we have the opportunity to be offended by others and the little seed of resentment begins its growth. Left unattended, it matures and turns into bitterness.
Bitterness is a curious thing. We all know about it and don’t always recognize it in our own lives, but we can sure see its symptoms in other people.
We are wise to check ourselves. Only we have the ability to forgive others who have offended us. No one else can do that for us.
Why would we want to forgive you wonder? Do you have any idea what terrible thing they did? How can I possibly forgive them? Forgiveness does not excuse the offender or say, “no problem.” It does not mean it’s forgotten the memory or the wound may fade. The consequences may remain. The difference is that once forgiveness is extended – regardless of whether it is received or not, a burden is lifted. Unforgiveness is a burden. It fuels anger and that steals joy.
When Jesus’ disciples asked him how many times we must forgive? Jesus says in Matthew 18:22” No not seven times, but seventy times seven”. Nowhere in this passage does Jesus say, “Except when…”.
Forgiveness, when extended, offers freedom and opportunity for a measure of peace for the giver. You can’t buy peace. You can’t conjure it up. It arises from a soul at peace as well from the Author of peace.
May God give you the courage to see where, in your life, you ought to forgive. May he grant you the grace and courage to do it. We have opportunities every day to forgive and offering that forgiveness removes the seeds of resentment and overcomes the growth of bitterness.