A few weeks ago, I watched my daughter teach her 5-year-old, to ride a two-wheeler. There is a skill to not only know how to ride a bike but teach how to ride as well. You have to know how to run along behind the child while holding on as they ride. You also have to know when it is time to let go and let the child take the risk of falling. This little girl fell plenty, but Lisa encouraged her to get back up and keep trying. It took a few days but this 5-year-old mastered riding a bike and is extremely proud of herself as she should be. Credit goes to her but also her mom who knew when to hold on and when to let go.
Lesson One: Learn to let go at the right time.
We do not parent a 4-year-old the same way we parent an 11-year-old or an 18-year-old. Things change, don’t they? A wise parent realizes in the teen years you better figure out what you need to say in as few words as possible because that is all they may well listen to. My teens hated lectures as I remember. They would listen to a story that made the point- as long as it didn’t take too long to tell it. Whereas when they are younger- it is often easier. They have more time for you and what you have to say. The younger kids needed more guidance, the older ones wanted to practice being independent. Finding the balance was challenging, sometimes we got it right, and other times... we did not.
Lesson Two- Learning to discern when we as parents ought to step in and “fight” on behalf of our kids and when to leave it to God to sort out.
“ He said, Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says, ‘ Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 1 Chronicles 20:15
I think one of the hardest things for us as parents is having the courage to let our kids experience the consequences of poor choices or when they are recipients of something unkind or unfair.
As I look back over the years of parenting 4 kids, the hardest thing for me to do, was to truly let go and let God do whatever He had in mind. It is easier when they are young and fall off the bike and you can bandage their knees. But it is another story entirely when they are older and face disappointments and failures. For example, times they don’t get the job, or they lose a job - or miss a promotion, or perhaps a significant relationship dissolves. The desire to step in and rescue is pretty strong, but it is not always wise. Sometimes we get to, but more often than not, we are left to pray and trust God to work things out.
The finest work of our life is not our work or our ministry but our children. The hardest thing God has asked of us is to raise 4 children to walk humbly and trust in God every day of their lives. I am thankful He was there to guide us every day.
In this passage in 1 Chronicles 20:16, the people of God are called to simply stand watch as God fights for them. Sometimes they had to fight, but not this time. Victory came and it was all God.
May God give us courage and wisdom to know what He is saying to us as we think of our loved ones and the challenges they face.
Dear God,
Thank you for my kids and for your presence with us. I ask that you give me the wisdom to leave them with you always. But God, when you want me to step into a situation which they are facing, give me wisdom to do or say what I ought to say, and not one word more or less.
In Jesus Name,
Amen