Keep Going!

 

 It is easier sometimes to quit then to keep going. Yet what will quitting cost really? What will be missed if quitting is the option that is chosen. It all depends what we are talking about. I am thinking about good things but they are also hard. 

When my husband and I took a trip to Arizona we climbed a few mountains. The temptation to quit for me was pretty high. I don't like the hard work and sweating combination. At one point I thought I was going to faint near the top of the mountain. This one guy saw me and was telling me about a mountain nearby which I should for sure check out. "After all" he says " it is even higher and steeper then this one, sometimes it is straight up". The guys was clearly not getting that at that particular moment, my head was spinning. Steeper climbs was not what I was imagining. Quitting -yes-except at the top of a mountain, you can't ... you have to climb down. Bill was not ready to carry me and nor would my pride allow that!

There was alot of beauty I would have missed had I chosen to not make that climb. It was extrodinary to see all the cactus and enjoy the views! 

There is an old poem I was thinking about. I do not now what you are facing. Perhaps it will inspire you to reconsider.  I got this poem book when I was 16. This has always been a favorite. The author is not listed here in my book so I cannot give credit to its creator.

" When things go wrong, and they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must,- but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about

When we might have won had we stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-

You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer then 

it seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up 

when he might have captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down.

How close he was to the golden crown. 

Success is failure turned inside out-

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt-

And you can never tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's when things seems worst that you mustn't quit."

Whatever the struggle, don't give up. Not today. God gives strength to those who ask. He gives it for one step at a time. I am cheering for you!

Thinking about 2014

                         Is there anything that needs to change in your life this next year? When you feel stuck and the place you have found yourself is "safe"- it means you need to ask yourself a straight forward question. It is simply this: What are you going to do about it? How long have you been complaining about it? How many people have heard the same old story of what you should really do?

Why not make this the year you are going to do something about it? If you knew you would not fail, would you do it? Is it right? Will you be hurting someone? Is it what is best for you? Is it important? These are just a few questions for you to consider. Grab your journal and think about the fears that may be keeping you stuck. The best way to bring about change is to admit our fears-name them even!

You have to begin somewhere to bring about change. So where do you start? You have to be committed if you are going to be successful. Quitting is not going to get you there.  Perhaps you can ask yourself what do I need to start? I remember when I wanted to lose ten pounds ( and sadly, need to again!) I had to get rid of the food that is bad for me, fill my fridge with the good stuff. Decide baking was off limits. I joined Weight Watchers and worked at my goal- One day at a time, one bite at a time until I reached my goal. Was it fun? No not really, but it was worth it. Now I need to decide am I willing to do the hard work to achieve it again?

How about you? What are you going to do differently this next year? It is so easy to just stay the same. Life is short my friend. We have today and we are not sure what the future holds. Don't keep putting off that important change. No one can do it for you.  

God promises to help us. He cares for us- but that does not mean we are not taking the first step. We are never alone. He gives courage to us when we ask. If you lack wisdom, He promises that also. If you lack strength, He can give you what you need for today. I wish for you a great New Year, with new adventures and obstacles overcome!

Facing the First Christmas without Mom

Loss any time of year is difficult, but that same loss seems to yell at Christmas. My niece Rachel lost her mom this past June. Today she shares her heart with you as she faces her first Christmas without her beautiful mom.

"Saying goodbye to a loved one is a very strange experience, isn't it? It requires that we let them go whether or not we feel ready. And then life changes - where they were, they are no more. Sometimes its hard to know what we are supposed to think, what we are supposed to feel in light of such ginormous change.

Since my Mom passed away in June, I have thought and felt many different things. One of the things I would like to share with you is the fact that she gave me many gifts (and I don't mean presents wrapped and placed under the tree, although she gave me those as well!). She gave me gifts in teaching me how to be a friend, how to use my imagination, how to teach people and how to be an interested learner. And she was an example to me of someone with deep faith in Jesus. What greater gift could there be? Although there were many hard times, I am thankful for the gifts she gave me. And now that she is no longer here, I will remember that God is still here, and He is with her too. As it reminds us in Hebrews 13:5 - " For God has said: 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.' "- Rachel

God Bless each of you. Thank you for visiting my blog throughout this past year. See you again in 2014. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.-Donna

Reckless Words

Some words you never forget. Sometimes they are kind words, then there are the other words...not so kind. If words could be given a flavor, it would be cayenne. While the sting of those words diminish over time, the memory does not always. I would love to forget but I have a good memory and those words stick around. I don't think about them and they don't define who I am today, but I remember. 

That is not what is on my heart today. We cannot change words spoken by others years ago or even last week. The only thing we can control is our own words. This season of Christmas and all the other celebrations that take place, allow for many opportunities to visit with people. What we talk about, the stories we share, say alot about who we are and what is really in our hearts. 

I just came back from a Christmas party in our neighborhood and visited with all kinds of poeple I don't know. I went with this thought firmly in my mind... don't say anything you will regret later. I was careful. I listened alot, asked questions.... it all went great.

Proverbs 12:18 says " Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Our words, no matter how old you are, can bring hope or despair to the listener. May this be a season where we think before we speak and care more about what other people are saying then what we have to say. May we speak sincerely and bring words of hope. It is always amazing to meet people who bring hope and healing in the words they speak.

Amidst the laughter and fun, remember to think of the power of your words.  

"Not on The List"

Christmas season is coming really fast. There are lots of parties. There are also, many who sit home, uninvited. How does that feel? It is not easy, especially when it happens all the time. What may surprise you is this happens to many people at sometime in their lives. This is not new.

The next question is what are you going to do about it. You could crash the party. Personally, I would not have the courage to do that and wouldn't. You could sit home, acknowledge the hurt and either stew in it or find something meaningful to do. Like what you say?

Who is out there that is possibly in the same boat as you? Is there anyone? I remember once I was pretty blatantly "left out", I was rolling in the self pity pretty bad. Then I got tired of it.I prayed and forgave those who had slighted me. Then I thought about the group home where I was volunteering at the time. I knew those kids love when people come play games with them. So, that is what I did. I had a blast. 

"Stinking Thinking" leads us pretty fast into a muddy ditch and leaves us there. Is that really where we want to be? If "stinking thinking" leads us there, then thinking differently leads us out. While it was the circumstance that may have helped you get there, it is the thinking that determines where we find ourselves. 

It is not easy to do that but it seems like when we keep replaying whatever wrong was done, it keeps us stuck there. The trap really is self pity and that just is not a good place to be, even if you did deserve to be invited. No doubt you feel hurt, but honestly, what are you going to do about it?

How we respond when these things happen says a lot about who we really are. My best advice is forgive and leave it. Find something meaningful to do that will be a blessing to someone else. Don't do things with the expectation of getting back. 

God is the source of love. If your heart feels short on love, ask Him to fill your heart with His love. I Corinthians 13:4-7 reminds us of the look of love lived out. It is never more noticeable then when you feel hurt and left out. Gods love is patient and kind. His love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and keeps no record of wrongs.Love never gives up. Read the whole passage and you will see what I mean. On our own living this kind of love when we don't feel like it is pretty tough. Ask Jesus to fill you with this kind of love and forgive those who have hurt you. 

Maybe throw your own party and make sure everyone is included. Have fun!

"Watch and Weep"

Imagine watching someone you love, week after week harm themselves. Outside of praying, you are powerless to stop them. With most diseases, it does not have a self inflicted look to it. That is where alcoholism is different. 

In all the reading I have done as well as growing up attending Alateen, I read that alcoholism is a disease. These people do not ask for it nor do they want it. It is a compulsion that goes beyond anything I can relate to. I remember leading a recovery group for alcoholics and they asked me, " Donna what are you addicted to?" they all looked at me with hopeful eyes. I had to tell them, beyond two chocolate chip cookies in a row, I honestly don't have that struggle. They assumed everyone did. I for sure have my struggles as we all do, addiction just is not one of them.

It is painful to watch them though. I remember my heart sinking to my boots when I would walk in the door from school, there in the hallway was a twelve case of beer. Dad would be six bottles in. The evening would get worse before it got better. The familiar knot in my stomach would return. My appetite to eat was zero. 

I learned that arguing with them was pointless. Making them feel guilty, was not helpful. They tend to feel like zeros already. My witty remarks were unhelpful. If sobriety was attained by family members yelling and making the alcoholic feel guilty, we would have more sober alcoholics around.

To carry on with anger and layering the guilt on is to just add to the problem. You can dump the alcohol but they will find more. You need to be silent. Arguing with a drunk is never profitable. You wait, perhaps an opportunity will arise when they bring up their problem. When they are really sick of their addiction, then they will seek help and not before. 

Family members and good friends of an alcoholic would do well to educate themselves well, just as you would would if it were diabetes or cancer. No one hopes when they grow up, they will become an alcoholic. AlAnon and Alateen are two of the best sources I know. They have groups all over the city, any city. Check it out if this blog is something you relate to personally.

I have always run to Jesus as my comfort in the middle of storms, whatever the storm. He has been my comfort and strength for many years. He does not take away every struggle, but He does give wisdom and strength to get through it. If you read Psalm 121, that will bring some comfort to a troubled heart.

Thankfulness-An Anti-Acid for the Heart

It is not hard to be thankful on the sunny bright days, when everything seems just right. What about when there are hardships; you feel you have been wronged or disappointment seems to be knocking at your door daily?What place does thankfulness have in the middle of all that?

A thankful heart is a doorway into new thinking in the middle of everything else that is screaming at you. I have practised this. I am shocked at the difference it makes. When I get up in the morning, feeling heavy hearted over whatever is dragging my heart down, I put on the song "10,000 Reasons for My heart to Sing" Matt Redman sings it. That song as I beleive it, has ushered my heart into a new place.

God tells us in His Word that in everything we must give thanks. " Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:5-7.

God's peace trully is an anti-acid for our soul. He calms the fears that grip us. Giving thanks is part of this journey. Somedays, I have to conciously make a decison to give thanks because it is contrary to what I am feeling. Again, it ushers me to a new place. 

Today, may our day be full of giving thanks to God no matter what the circumstance. Through it, you will find peace for the day.

Hollywood Secrets?

Hollywood promotes creams that replace botox. They promote eating styles that will change your life. If you are miseralbe today, the solution might be expensive, but it is for sale. 

The struggles of the heart are many and varied no matter how old you are. People long to feel accepted and know they matter. There is no diet that will do that, nor a face-cream that will usher this reality to anyone. No one loves you more because you changed your face-cream or how you eat (if you eat badly, your body may thank you!).

I remember well, trying to "fit in" at school. It is not easily done if you lack confidence to say hello and just ask questions of the people around you- "how are you?" and really mean it. If you feel stupid and think that no one wants to talk to you, that is a problem.

For me, what finally made the difference was pretty simple. I came to be ok with just being me. In Alateen I learned the Serenity Prayer which says " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I looked at the kids in my class and what cool looked like, they smoked and drank. I tried the smoking thing. I did not much like it. I honestly thought it was stupid. The drinking thing just looked plain awful. I heard about the throwing up and people that did things they regretted- or could not remember it. None of it sounded very cool to me. 

So, I went for something different. I chose humour and kindness. I could manage both of those pretty well and it worked. Even if you are not funny but can tell a good story, that helps. My husband Bill was not the funniest guy on the planet. He learned a funny joke every week. He even practised it in his head so he could tell it given the opportunity. Sounds silly, but it worked. As for being kind, just genuinely caring for people who ever they are , is a big deal. 

Be patient. Hollywood offers a lot of empty solutions. Their quick fixes are not fixes but lies. They won't really help you. It is surface stuff. 

God made you just the way you are. Go look in the mirror and make a decision. You are you, no one else can be you or do exactly everything you do. You will be able to help people that I never could or anyone else for that matter. You are important. Your life matters today. In Psalm 139:14 says you are "fearfully and wonderfully made". Today you will accept all kinds of lesser things as truth, why not accept this important one. You are made wonderfully! Now that is good news!

The struggle with God's Forgiveness and The Alcoholic

To believe that you are so horrible and your deeds or sins so wretched ushers in the lie that you are far too unworthy to receive the forgiveness of God- let alone be loved by Him.

I have lost count how many Alcoholics or addicts I have met over the years who believe this lie to be true. It is the lie that keeps some of them  drinking or doing drugs. There is the addiction aspect for certain, but when you dig down, the sense of unworthiness will often be uncovered. 

In the old hymn "The Love of God" it says that God's love reaches down into the lowest hell. I believe this truth with my whole heart. I prayed for years that my dad or my brother would believe it too. Perhaps towards the end of their lives they did believe it. I do not know for sure. 

John Newton was a slave trader born 1725 and lived until December 1807. He spent years as a heavy drinker, some books say he was also a gambler. He considered himself an athiest though he was taught as a young boy about Jesus from his mother. He lived a wretched life, ruining his own life and the lives of many others. When he was at sea, a huge storm came and the ship was sinking, it was then he began to call out to God for help. 

His journey of faith was what lead him to write an old favorite hymn of many " Amazing Grace". It is a potent truth he penned in that old hymn. He was a man who knew that it was indeed "amazing grace" that gave to him, once and for all the peace and forgiveness his heart longed for. 

God's grace and forgiveness is offered to all of us. He looks for the heart that is willing to turn away from that which is destroying their lives and confess their sins before God. Then the harder part it seems is to receive the forgiveness God is offering and then- to forgive themselves. This can be the hardest part but crucial in the healing of the troubled should regardless of the brokenness that brought you to His feet. 1 John 1:9 we read God's promise of His full forgiveness. There is  no list attached to the verse explaining who is excluded. It is for everyone who comes.

The Beauty of Thanksgiving Among the Poor

Last week at our weekly supper at church,  I served coffee, tea and hot chocolate to about one hundred and fifty  homeless and street involved people. I was not suprised that they said thank you, but rather how they said it. I knew they meant it all the way down to their toes.

Over that passed several years of working with these dear people, there are a few " thanksgiving" encounters that stand out in my memory.

 I remember one cold winter day, one guy came up, his feet were a mess. His boots were rotted by salt and the wet slushy snow of downtown Toronto streets. We told him we had a parish nurse who would care for his feet. While our wonderful nurse cared for his very sore feet, we went in searchof  new ( new to him) boots and brand new socks. When the guy came out with his new boots and socks he was ecstatic. He could not say thank you enough. I have never seen such joy and celebration over one pair of socks and boots in my life.

Another evening we had the privilege of handing out a few hand knit sweaters to some of the street involved friends we know well. One lady had been struggling with breast cancer. When I gave her this sweater, her eyes filled with tears. She felt like a million bucks. She knew that she mattered and was so thankful. That sweater is her most prized of all the clothing she owns. She said no one had ever knit her a sweater in her life. I think the wonderful ladies who did the knitting, had equal joy in making these sweaters for these people. 

One night was kind of funny in a weird sort of way. A guy came up after our meal was done, chapel service was all packed up and we were cleaning. All he had on was a cement bag around his waist. That was it. Not even socks! This does not happen often (I feel I need to tell you). He begged us to open the clothing rooms that were now all packed up. Of course we did. We found him everything he needed. Sadly no underwear, we were out of them by that time of night. They are a very popular item! Was he thankful? Yes he was. What happened to his clothes. We did not ask. Some things are better off not knowing!

It is good for us all to be thankful for the big and the small things that enrich all of our lives. Maybe on this weekend of Thanksgiving we will take a moment to say thank you for as much as we are able! In God's word we are told many times to give thanks... and we all have much to be thankful for.

Thank you for reading today! Happy Thanksgiving!

Drunk Again

I remember my 16th birthday for one thing, my dad showed up drunk. I remember the embarrassment I felt in front of my friends. I do not remember now even who the friends were or what we did, only my dad. I was angry with him. Though I know my anger accomplishes nothing. 

Every week, there was a knot in my stomach that would grow. I found eating made me feel sick. I knew my dad had been sober a few days and he was due to drink again. I would dread coming home from school. Anger,fear and deep sadness would walk home with me .I would open the door and there in the hall is the 12 pack- it was open. He would be 3 beers in. Not too bad yet. As the evening went on, the classical music would be on, I would be forced to listen to it as he felt it would make me ... I have no idea what. I hated classical music for years. Just hearing it would put a knot in my stomach. 

How do you navigate life when you are watching someone you love so much,destroy themselves week after week? They spend money the family does not have. They wreck what could have been a nice evening home...again. They disappoint you and say horrible things.

There is no simple answer that is for sure. Fighting with them just gives them an excuse and ridiculous proof in their minds that they have a right to drink and get drunk because look at what they have put up with at home. Making them feel worthless is not helpful, most alcoholics I know feel more then worthless all ready. No amount of cleaning or nice things you try to do for them is going to stop the from drinking.  I wish it would work like that. But it does not. 

Unless they want to quit really bad, stop blaming and take responsibility nothing is going to stop them. Alcoholism is a family disease. It affects every person,sometimes right down to the cat or dog who hide when the drinker comes homes drunk. They even know to get out of the way. 

I know sometimes people use something called intervention. I cannot talk much about it as I know very little on the topic. I do know that when an alcoholic is sick of the mess of their lives and the devastating effect it is having on others, then quitting becomes an possible. Alcoholics Anonymous remains in my mind one of the best  programs available. The rehabilitation programs are good but if the individual does not keep going to AA it is very likely they will relapse. It has to be part of their life. They need to learn to think differently among other things..like dealing with life honestly.

I will never discount however the power of prayer. I know that through my prayers, God in His kindness has reached down into the lives of those I love and rescued them. Jesus was and is my comfort and my strength. He gave me wisdom to navigate difficult paths then and ever since. In the book of Psalms it says that God is a  very present help in times of trouble. I can tell you that is true. 

If you are in trouble today, whatever kind of trouble, invite Him into the middle of it. He will not make every problem go away,but He does give wisdom to you if you seek Him with your whole heart. 

My Top Ten Reasons for Poor Decisions

1. Fear can be a poor leader.Fear can prevent us from really seeing the truth that is obvious to others.

2. Feeling hurt or wounded,can really lead us down a path we may regret very quickly.

3.Pressure or not enough time to condsider the difference/consequences this decision can truly make on you or those you love.

4. Bordom-does not always dictate a wise decison.

5.Anger is a very dangerous place to make wise choices!

6. Decisions based souly on the experience of another

7. Failure to ask God what He thinks and taking the time to listen to His response.

8. Wanting to rescue or to be a hero is a poor reason to make a big decision. It is good to be kind but you still need your decisions to be based out of the proper motivation. We need to ask ourselves the right questions.

9. Being tired or overwhelmed-both lead to decisions that are not necessarily the best for you or for others.

10. The default mode- does not mean the decision is the best one for today. Take the needed time to consider truly if this is indeed the smartest move for right now.

In a time where everything is seemingly in the fast lane, demands and a kind heart can lead to bad decisons. Perhaps this week, take the time to reflect  on why you make the decisions you make. If I forgot a glaring reason, (and it will not shock me if I did) do not hesitate to add your toughts in the comment section. 

Have a great day! God Bless you and lead you in your decisions that face you today.

White Knuckle Trusting

Bowing your head to say thank you for the food sitting right there in front of you, is not nearly as hard as when there is none to speak of. When was the last time you had to trust God for something that was no where in sight?

When we first moved to Toronto, Bill and I were nicer or perhaps more niave then we are today. I was running a group for recovering alcocholics and addicts and became good friends with the folks there. One of the guys loved guitar. I offered him( asked Bill first of course) to borrow Bill's guitar. I trusted God and this guy that we would see the guitar again. It was the one Bill used every Sunday to lead worship. He did not have a closet full of them.

Well... weeks passed, I prayed ferverently. I knew that Bill really loved that guitar. So , I prayed more. I prayed scripture, you name it, i did it. Never did have we seen that guitar again. 

While that was a huge loss to Bill, he was given another...not quite as amazing but amazing none the less. We were grateful.

Praying over that old guitar does not touch the agony of prayer for loved ones who are making bad choices and even seriously endangering their lives. Perhaps you know exactly what I am talking about. 

I have agonized in prayer for my dad, then my brother then a kid or two of mine. It takes alot of faith and trust some days I tell you. 

One particualarly rough night I was praying for one of my boys and the Lord spoke to me. He said only a few words but that was all I needed. He said" I do not abandon the  work of My Hands". He has heard my prayers and all my sighs. Those dear to our hearts cannot escape His sight. There is nowhere they can go, where The Good Shepherd cannot be. 

The comfort that the Lord Jesus gives to me, honestly, I can hardly describe to you. I have walked some pretty rough pathways these last months. God does not abandon us. He never forgets His own. He does not answer us every time the exact way we had in mind, but He does answer. Not mater what, He will meet us if we ask Him. He longs to do that simply because He loves us. 

Redirected!

This is Macy. She loves this little train thing. She walks behind it, pushing it down our street with a big smile on her face. That is until she pushed it onto the grass and her progress was stopped! Her nose scrunched up and she was not happy. Help was needed to get this adventure back on the road. I thought about how we are a bit like Macy. Road blocks of all kinds come our way.

She was in a hurry to keep pushing this train down the sidewalk. What I found most curious was the small corrections I made of the steering wheel which prevented her from pushing the train back onto the grass. She did not even notice. I love this little girl and want to see her succeed in her task. She was not even aware of the many little adjustments I was making along the way.

You have to wonder, how many adjustments does God make for you in a day? You very possibly don't even notice His quiet intervention. He sets up meetings that would never have happened - some would call that chance, I call it God- who loves you so much. You matter to Him and His heart is for you.

I took great pleasure in helping Macy not get stuck on the grass. God is not unlike that. He loves to lead His people.

Yet, sometimes I did let Macy get stuck up on that grass. She was going too fast and would have fallen on the sidewalk and that would not have felt good. Sometimes God allows us to get "stuck on the grass" as well. He is driven by love and sees what we do not. Isaiah 43:4a- says this" Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,and because I love you...His love is not a casual love. Rather it is a love that is deeper and more powerful then the greatest love you have known on this earth. This God, who loves you like that, directs your steps.

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck "on the grass" and for good reason, though we cannot see it at the time. He asks you and I to trust Him still. One of the hardest places to trust God is when we find ourselves in that "stuck and waiting kind of place". It is not hard to feel forgotten by God and others when we are in this place. You are not forgotten. He will not abandon you. Wait for Him. He will instruct you in the way you should go. Everyone finds themselves "stuck on the grass" at some point. You are not the first.

"We can make our plans,but the Lord determines our steps"Proverbs 16:9(NLT)

Discerning when a "word or dream " is from God

I have been riveted by some things I have heard said among Christians. They are words that sound spiritual for sure...sort of like something in the Bible,but they are not.

Over the years I have had dreams that seemed like God was warning me of something, twice in particular. Both times the dreams left me fearful and paranoid. 

I have looked to people over the years to speak into my life. Many times their words have brought great encouragement to my heart. I was strengthened and built up in my faith.

Yet, it is not always this way. I have received hard words from people. Yet, I knew God was in it. The word, though difficult to to hear,challenged me to make a wrong right between my self and another and ultimately God.

Then there are the hard words when God is no where near it. It discourages and my heart feels very heavy.Sometimes all I feel is panic threatning to rise and confusion dancing all over my heart.

How can we know when something we have heard or dreamt is from God?

You will know it by its fruit. In the book of James chapter 3:13-17- it is laid out for us. Humility is present always. What is given from a heart that is holding onto bitter envy and selfish ambition breed wisdom that is earthly and feelings of guilt,confusion and anxiety follow quickly on its heals.

Yet a word that is truly from God will never contridict what He says in His word. James 3:17 says that wisdom from God is " first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate,submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."

If someone comes to you claiming they have a "word" for you, remember the fruit that anything that God brings to us will possess fruit which reflect Christ. Jesus delivered some pretty tough words to people, but humility was always present. His life was full of good deeds, done in humility. It is out of a heart filled with His love that life giving words are spoken.

That dream I had years ago haunted me and scared me deeply. A wise person reminded me to look at the fruit this dream was producing. Peace was absent. It produced only confusion. I dismissed this as nothing more then a nightmare.

 As comments or words are received, they need to be thought and prayed through carefully. If it has grabbed your heart and emotions, examine the fruit which becomes evident. Then you will be able to discern how to respond.

Changing our point of view!

It is not easy to change what you feel when you feel it deeply. It is not bad if you don't really care one way or another. When it is a matter of the heart, that is different. 

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 it  the Bible talks about love that is patient and kind, that does not seek its own way,which sounds amazing. It also says  that love is not easily angered. When everything is going your way, none of this is hard to live out. When you feel deeply about something and have no shartage of thing so say-but silence is required... that is difficult. 

With a head full of opinions and witty things to say, silence is the right choice at times. Not everything that is happening before our eyes is given to us to share our amazing thoughts on the matter at hand.

I saw a t-shirt today and wished I could just borrow it for a day. It said" Keep life simple- do it my way". 

I was struggling deeply over this very thing. I wanted to say so badly what was on my heart yet I knew that is would be unwise to say. What I feel is true, is not always profitable to speak out loud. 

How does a person go about changing a deeply held point of view. Clearly, every one goes about it a little differently. While I was not sleeping and obsessing over the matter at hand, finally I realized how unfair I was being. I wanted others to make choices that served my agenda. It took me a long time before I could see that. Fear drives alot of things at times. I have said it before and say it again" fear is a poor leader". 

You need to be quiet long enough to get passed the emotions that are screaming in your head and heart and then ask yourself the tough questions. If you can get passed what is staring at you, perhaps you can find a different way to look at what is before you. 

I prayed a long time before peace came to my heart. I solved nothing of this situation, but I can tell you this: I have peace. 

God leads us all differently. Letting those around us be lead can be challenging. Clearly when they are doing something that is harmful to themselves or others, silence is not a good idea. I am only talking about decisions you do not prefer and choosing to look from a different vantage point. 

I looked beyond today and into the future and see that even if this choice that is being made is not my preference, it will be okay. The sun will still rise and there are many good days ahead. God is trustworthy and I can rest in Him.

I hope something of my rambling has helped someone out there! God Bless each of you today!

Angels on Assignment

There is a fascination among many over angels. I have not met a ton of angels, but my husband Bill had a cool encounter one day. 

It was a cold sleeting October day. He was out handing out lunches one Sunday afternoon. It was a miserable day to say the least. Bill and others, would often bring lunches to the homeless on the streets of Toronto. After giving out several lunches, he approached a fellow he had never met before. This guy was different. In his hands was a wooden angel he had been carving. He looked Bill in the eye and said" God sees everything you do and is pleased." Bill was warmed all the way down to his toes. 

Another time, was when we were on holidays with our kids. We had stopped for lunch. It was a beautiful day. Our vehicle was new. We had no problems with it. When we were finished our quick lunch break, we were ready to continue our journey. We jumped in the car, seat belts on.... the car would not start. This made no sense whatsoever. Bill looked under the hood, nothing looked unusual. He sat back in the car with us. We prayed and asked God for His intervention. A few minutes passed and the car started. Off we went, mystified but thankful. 

As we got onto the highway and had driven not more then ten minutes, the traffic slowed. A semi truck was accross the highway, people were in the ditches, cars all over the place. It had happened only minutes ago. We had just missed it. 

If eyes could see, perhaps there was an angel on assignment that day. Our hearts were heavy for the people who were in this accident certainly. We were grateful for our vehicle that would not start only minutes ago. 

In the Bible, it says that we entertain angels unaware. It also says that escapes of death belong to the Lord. God watches over you and I because He loves us. He cares for you every day. We do not know how many times He has intervened on our behalf, likely more then you know!

Jumping to Conclusions

It is stunning how easy it is to jump to the worse case scenario when faced with a situation which seems impossible. You have heard all the horror stories of others. Your stomach is in a knot and fear is nipping at your heart.

Sound familiar? It seems this path is nearest by and very often walked. I have found myself there many times. It is a place where there is little room for hope or the impossible. It is dark on this path and sometimes the only ones on it are full of bad news. They confirm all my fears. 

I have no idea what you are facing today. I know what my battle is. It terrifies me. Doing internet searches does not help me. More knowledge is not always helpful. Even as I write this, my stomach is in a knot. All that seems to be there is the worst case scenario's. If I keep reading, I am not going to sleep for a week!

So, I changed my search today. I looked up best case senario! Much better! It soothes my heart for the moment, butI know it won't last. I need something that will really calm my fears. 

We are full of our solutions and suggestions and knowlege. There is nothing wrong with that. We need to know what we are dealing with. Do some homework- go for it. 

Remember this one truth my friend- all your reading is not the final word. In the book of Mark in the Bible, we find Jesus out with his disciples. Jesus is having a nap in the back of the boat. The disciples are not having a good time. There is a storm raging! The waves are high and they are not thinking or acting like things are going well. These guys were fishermen before they were disciples; they know what a bad day looks like. This is one of them! They know when the waves and wind is too high. The wonder of wonders is Jesus sleeping at the back of the boat! How did he not roll of the bench? Well they woke him up and Jesus with only a few words spoken; calmed the storm. You can read the story in Mark4:35-41.

When you invite Jesus into whatever you are facing, it changes things. Sometimes dramatically, sometimes it is not so dramatically. His presence always makes a difference. When Jesus brings peace to your heart, things are already different. You make better decisions when they are not driven by fear. That in itself is amazing. Wisdom has a chance to prevail. Fear messes up decision in our lives. 

The wisdom and peace that comes from God is a game changer. Perspective is a big deal. That is what God promises us if we seek Him before all else. 

Kevin's Story

For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the physiques of superheroes, male celebrities, and then guys I knew.  After coming home from camp one summer and realizing that one of my guy friends didn't share the romantic feelings I had for him, I went for a walk in the middle of the night.  I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it, and I felt like I was going to explode with anxiety and frustration. 

Unable to speak, I wrote a note to God that started with this line; “Why would you make me this way, and tell me not to live it out?”  I knew that God wasn't an idiot, so I figured I had one of two options.  Either: a) he made me gay, so I should be gay.  b) he didn't make me that way, something else was responsible for my attractions (inborn or not), and so I had to pursue a life that didn't involve having a boyfriend.  

 When “Born This Way” was released, I felt Lady Gaga did a good job of summing up an attitude that I had witnessed for a while; “I was born with a desire, therefore it is my right to have that desire fulfilled.”  It's a persuasive line of thinking, and I really wanted it to be true.  Then one day, I read Psalm 51 where David says “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”  That struck me.  It didn't matter if I was born a certain way or not.  I had felt Jesus call me to follow Him, and to surrender my life to Him.  

 It didn't matter what I felt, His call to me was louder and more important than my sexual attractions.

 I made the decision not to pursue attraction to guys over six years ago.  I still like looking at guys, that hasn't changed too much.  However, God has healed and transformed me in other ways I never expected.  Apparently my sexuality wasn't the only thing that needed fixing!  I don't question my gender at all anymore, even though I struggled with that even more than I did with my attractions.  I once had a fear of most males, and now I have many healthy, deep relationships with guys of all ages.  Most exciting is that God has given me a great hope and desire for a family, of which I had none a long time ago.  In God's time, it will happen.  He can do anything. 

 Thanks for listening. Kevin.

Mad at God?

Lots of people are mad at God. You pray hard for loved ones to get healed, and they are not healed. People suffer, you suffer. Bad things happen. Surely, everyone should be mad at God.

I remember when I was 19 years old and my dad died. When I finished being devastated , I was upset with God. I had asked God to take care of my dad while I went off to Bible College. We had a deal! Then after only 1 1/2 semesters, dad died of a massive heart attack. How was that caring or loving for that matter?

My heart was broken. My faith was a bit wobbly to be honest with you.I wondered if I could really trust God? I knew He was powerful enough to keep my dad from dying, but he still died. I was mad!

A mad heart can lead to a hard heart. That is what I had. I didn't feel much. I froze all those. It is easier. Finally the day came when He and I had "the talk"

Somehow amidst my steeled up heart, God seemed to be calling to me. I missed our daily talks. I still needed the peace and guidance that's Jesus brought daily to my life. I missed not leaning on Him every day. 

I poured my heart out to Him about my disappointment and heart break. He listened. I don't remember if He said anything to me. He did however soothe my heart and brought peace to it. He was not mad at me because I was mad at Him. I forgave Him for not keeping my dad from dying. 

 I know I am no apologist. I barely passed that course truth be told. However, I still figured out a thing or two; and this is it. While I do not get God and the bad stuff that happens in my life or in the lives of people I love, we are left with choices. Are we going to be mad or still trust God even when we do not understand Him and do not have all the details?

We don't know what is around the corner or up the hill. I know that bad things happen to people. There are alot of questions I have for God when I get to heaven. In the meantime, I choose to trust Him, amidst the confusion and heartbreak. He does still give peace and comfort in our sorrows if we seek Him. 

Here is a real shocker- God does not have to explain Himself to me! There may come I day we will understand why some things happen. For the most part my friend, we won't. God still loves you. He still cares for you. One day, at the end of time, He will wipe every tear from the eyes of His children. 

He sees every tear that falls and every sigh that is breathed. Psalm 40 talks about how after waiting patiently for God , He lifted us out of the slimy pit. He sets us on a rock and gives us a firm place to stand. Then in His love for us, He gives a new song. 

Maybe today that is what you need. You are not alone. Others have walked this same path. May you meet God the Father on it and know His love for you, even in the middle of your suffering.