The Sting of Unforgiveness

I was thinking this morning of how unforgiveness is like a wasp sting. You feel it all over nor it is not easy to ignore. Either when  you fail to accept an apology which is being offered to you, (even when given humbly and honestly), it lives a sting.

In the same way, when you are on the asking for forgiveness end and the person will not give it to you; this can feel like a wasp sting also.

You might think you are left untouched by not forgiving, but that is where the lie creeps in. Unforgiveness has a way of changing how we see the world. It seems to affect our hearing. In my mind, it is like looking at life through a dirty window. It becomes diffucult to see the beauty outside. It can make us over sensitive and critical. There is little room for the wounded heart to heal if we are clinging to a grudge.

 Then there is the other side. Have you ever asked someone to forgive you yet it is clear that they are not going to give it? You may even grovel a bit. No matter how much you plead, they look down at you. Situations like this can haunt you- at least it does me.

I hate when someone is mad at me and will not forgive  regardless of how often I have asked for it. It feels like bitter rejection. Sort of like coming to a dinner table set for people that are a big deal to you yet, there is no place set for you. Walking away, your heart is heavy, rejected and maybe a bit angry also. 

It is not easy to just leave it alone either. Yet, there really is no choice is there? If they will not release you, what are your options. You have humbly apoligized. The ball is in their court and now it is up to them. 

The place I have found comfort in times like these is Psalm 37:3-6. As the one who apogized and your apology is unaccepted, you have to keep living. Just like these verses say. Do good in the land you find yourself. One day things may change. May you find comfort in the wait. There are still sunny days and many great things to set our heart on.

If you are the one who needs to forgive, all I would say, you have been forgiven much in your life. All of us have. No one is perfect. Life is short. Grugdes are heavy and life sucking. You do yourself no favors. It was Jesus who said "As a person sows, so shall he reap". As we extend grace, it is given back to us. Perhaps not today, but one day. 

Have a great day.

Man Of Steel aka: My Dad -By Michael Dyck

My father has been a man I have bragged about since a little boy. He is 53 and still has a 6-pack (Hopefully that's a family genetic.) He ran in the Toronto marathon and came 87th out of 2000 people at the age of 45. When he was my age he could bench press more then twice his weight. These were all things that I saw as impressive, but were not things my Dad ever told me to strive for.

Above all things my father taught me to love God with my whole heart. These were not just words that my father spoke, but words he lives out. He wakes up everyday at 5:30 (except Mondays) and prays and spends time with God. Life is made to be filled with love.

The second most important thing my father taught me was to love people. I understand very well it is hard to love people sometimes. People are hurtful towards each other and say and do things that cut so deep, its hard to think that the wound could ever heal. Forgiving is something that goes against our world today. My father told me to forgive because Christ first forgave me. I honestly hated it when he said that to me, but I trusted my Dad, so I would forgive. Its hard to sometimes to swallow the pride, anger, frustration and hurt to truly say, "I forgive you." It is hard, but there is a freedom that comes with it :) 

In a few words what my dad taught me, "Love God above all things, and love others." 

Love is hard, but there is not other way! Jesus is the only One who can supply all I need.

Happy Fathers Day.

Michael Dyck

Just a partier or maybe more?

There are two kinds of drinkers, the ones who do it because it is fun and that is it. In their heart, is a take it or leave it attitude. They do not need to drink to have fun. When the case runs out and they had only one beer, no big deal.

Then there is the guy/girl who are sweating over it. They were thinking about that beer all day long. In fact they think about it all day, most days. 

Drinking alcohol can cover up shyness, awkward moments, cover up stuff you don't want to face on the inside. Sound familiar?

If you drink when you go to a party, or you walk yourself to the bar on a regular basis, you need to pay attention. It is a dangerous road you are on my friend, the ending is not a happy one. 

If you miss work because of drinking- pay attention. 

If you lie to go drinking, or hide that you were drinking- that matters.

If you think about it all day, wondering how you will get some- take note.

If you find a new excuse you drink each time- that also is a yellow flag

If your drinking is messing with relationships in your life - it is not going to stop, it will just get worse.

If you wake up with no memory after being at a party- that is also a danger flag.

Please know, you do not have to check yes to all these questions to be a problem drinker.

The biggest challenge a for anyone with a problem with drinking is admitting you have a problem. The next is the "want to" stop. 

If your life is out of control, even a little bit, because of alcohol or drugs, you need help. It is very hard to do alone. Alcoholics Anonymous  or Narcotics Anonymous list all their meetings locations online. They have meetings all over the world. They also have more questions for you to answer. I know my list is not complete.

The first step that you need to take is;

1. Admit you have a problem, your life is in trouble then ask God to help you. 

Alcoholism and drug misuse, is a very big deal. You do not think so, check out the lives of some older people you know who has ruined their lives. There is no shortage of examples if you have the guts to look around.

It takes tremendous determination and humility to quit drinking. No one hopes that one day, they will be a problem drinker or an addict. Stuff happens.

The question is; how far down this road to you want to wander before you get off? There are addictions counsellors, people who care for you...really care. Don't go to your party friends. Who has walked this road and managed to get off it? Do you know someone? Ask them for advice.

It is a tough road. I am cheering for you all the way. It takes alot of guts to look in a mirror and see yourself truly. Then to go one step further and do something about it? Wow, that is impressive.

One day, if you have the courage to be honest, you will be able to help another who is on the very road you are on today. 

God loves you and your life is important. Don't let any substance steal that from you. You are not worthless. Your life is worth fighting for. 

May God give you courage my friend. You are not the first, you can do it with God's help, one day at a time.

The Other Side of Alcoholism

The pain of watching someone make self destructive choices day after day, is heart-break defined. It is a storm of emotions. You are angry, hurt and fearful, all at the same time. 

You try every trick in the book, hoping things will change. I remember cleaning my house as best as I could as a kid, thinking maybe that would keep my dad from drinking. No amount of begging or pleading, would stop him from walking out that door to do exactly what he had set his heart on to do. 

I stood there feeling betrayed, unloved and discarded. All my young heart wanted to do, was save my dad from himself. I just wanted a dad who could hold a job, pay the bills and keep his word.

The hardest thing in my mind about alcoholism, is you cannot fix them. There is not really a medication they can take that will make this monster go away. The individual has to want to quit. They have to come to the end of themselves and be really sick of the mess they are making of their lives and the hearts they are breaking all around them. 

Making dad feel guilty was never helpful. I tried that also. He in turn would make me feel guilty. You see with alcoholics' in their sick minds, they like to blame their need to drink on you or whatever thing they can conger up. Hiding the liquor doesn't work either, they just get more. I tried that too. 

I remember well, the constant knot in my stomach and I felt it constantly. I went to Alateen for kids of Alcoholics, that did help. It was good to know I was not alone on this wretched journey. There were others who also had to endure this thing called Alcoholism- a family disease. And it does cause dis-ease to everyone, right down to the cat who hides when he  would come home.

I loved all I learned in Alateen, but honestly needed someone who could soothe my soul and calm my fears. Alateen and the great people there could not do it for me. I needed someone who could be there all the time. I needed someone I could really talk to as much as I wanted and who would care deeply. 

When I started to write in my diary to Jesus, that is when I found my peace. When I was given a Bible I would read the Psalms. There is hope there for the despairing heart. Psalm 91 in the bible, is a beautiful Psalm that talks about God.n"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord,"He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust".

Perhaps you know someone you love who is putting a knot in your stomach and is breaking your heart at the same time. We all need someone to go to with our burdens and troubles. Go to Jesus. He cares for you. He sees your pain and suffering. He hears your cries and see your tears. You matter to Him even if you feel like you do not matter to anyone else. You do matter to God. He created you and He knows you. He waits for you as He waits for me. He will not make your life perfect, but He will give you peace in the storm and wisdom. Seek Him. Read your Bible. There is hope and life for you there. 

When you are shaking in your boots!

Fear might grip your heart several times a week, especially if you drive a bike in downtown Toronto! That is why I drive a car or take the transit. Even then, there can be some alarming circumstances! I am working on getting the courage together to ride my bike though! 

When I was cliff climbing, going up the side of a huge cliff, I was not frightened - it just made me mad. The rocks to grab on to seemed consistently out of reach. Where my foot was supposed to go was by my ear!! I did make it up to the top. The scary part was repelling down. That first step off the side of the cliff is jammed in my head for all time. That is one kind of fear.

Then there is the kind that keeps your stomach is a knot. When someone you love is sick, or mad at you and you can't easily resolve it. Or when you have said more then you should  and now it haunts you. What do you do? I sure try to make right what I can, but I can't always. I can't heal people. For me, when my daughter was sick, that tops the list for things that put my stomach in a knot. Watching your kid suffer and not being able to make the sickness go away is awful. I did not know if she would live or not. She was wasting away. I am happy to say, she did make it and is going great! 

In the middle of the nightmare you face, what do you do? How do you handle the knot in your stomach? I was reading today and found this verse. It brings peace to my heart. Perhaps it will for you even if what is causing your knot is totally different than myself or even what makes your friends fearful.

God says " Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God". I will strengthen and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. 

Peace to you today!

People in your bad books!

Have you ever had someone do or say something that was unbelievably nasty and hurtful?

You can plan your sweet revenge. You can defend yourself to anyone who cares to listen. To me  it is sort of like having coke with extra hot salsa and chips, except in living colour. It adds acid to your heart. It does not bring the expected relief from the hurt and embarrassment they inflicted on you. Your revenge might be sweet for the moment, but it's really is the stuff that poisons your soul.

I have had my share of unkindness and hurtful things, said to me and about me. My natural response is to get even. I am good with words and pretty quick witted. I would be very good at getting even.

Maybe you are reading this and thinking " well, you never had your boyfriend/ girlfriend stolen from you", and you would be right. I never did. Nor would I stick with a guy who allowed himself to be stolen. You are worth more then that. Don't forget . 

It is incredible that according to the Bible Gods says" do not repay evil for evil" 1 Peter 3:9. If that does not shock you, it goes on to say, "do not return insult for insult"! Then if that was not mind blowing enough He says that we are to "bless" people. Imagine that. Blessing those who curse you! That sounds crazy doesn't it?

When nothing is really bugging you, no big deal. Different though when you have a big bee in your bonnet. I have an on going issue that is like a huge bee in my bonnet. I would love to retaliate for the grief this person has caused my family. It is not small and does not go away. I lost sleep when it all started. I was so mad!!  Finally, one day when I was walking my dog, I started to think about this passage. I didn't like what I was hearing. Yet.. this truth, was sinking into my heart. I started by praying and forgiving this person for the tremendous grief she had caused me. Did I want to forgive her? No. Did God want me to ? Yes. So.. Even with my teeth gritted I prayed. Then I started to pray Gods blessing on her. My anger which was chewing at me, slwoly started to ebb away. Is it all resolved? No... I wish it was. One day maybe. I have no idea how it will turn out. I do know this though; bitterness does not define me. I have peace where there was none.

How about you? Anyone in your bad books today? Maybe letting go and letting God take care of things? Forgive, bless, don't curse. Show kindness but be wise also. God asks kind of crazy sounding stuff of us. Yet, if you actually do it, it leads to peace. 

When hope seems a bit like a squished bug

Everyone has been there at some point in life. Yet, often you feel alone. Walking over to mail some of my books today, I got to thinking how easy it is to lose hope. Rain was dripping on my face as my umbrella was not working at all. Too many rainstorms I'd say. In my mind it might reflect  how it feels on a hopeless day. Things don't work as they should. People let you down or maybe even your job is on the line. 

Hope may not seem like a big deal to you at the moment, but it is. You need a hope to get up in the morning and to keep going. Hope is the belief that things will get better. 

When I was 12 and everything in my life seemed to fall apart, I was without hope. It seemed no one cared my dad had left us. My mom was overwhelmed trying to care for my sister and I. Where do you go when hope is absent? A day without hope is like a rainy day and sleeping in seems more inviting then getting up to face the day.

It was then I started to write in my diary "Dear Jesus" instead of Dear friend. There comes a day when we need to look beyond ourselves. I know that there are a lot of people who say you need to look within. Well, when I looked within, all I could see was a train wreck. I needed someone bigger and that someone bigger was not secretly stored away inside me. Jesus did not make my life perfect,rather He brought peace where there was only despair and hope where frankly, there was none. 

When you think about your own life, how are you doing really? Do you feel lost? Unnoticed? Call out to Jesus. He will come to you just like He came to me. I was no one special. Just a girl with a broken heart in need of hope and healing. Don't get Jesus mixed up with people. In the Bible, you will find a book there called Mark. as you read it,you will find out just who He really is. He hung out with pretty messed up people of all ages. God promises you and me, if we look for Him with our whole heart ,we will find Him. He has buckets of hope to fill your life with..honestly. You matter to Him.

When are we going to be Okay?

 There was this mirror in the place my  husband Bill and I were staying. Honestly, it made me look at least an inch bigger on both sides of me. That may be no big deal to some, but it was too me. I was discouraged every time I passed by. It drove Bill nuts! He got tired of hearing about it.

"Dove" keeps doing these campaigns helping especially women figure out that there is no perfect shape or even size. Maybe you believe that in your head, but do you believe it in your heart? There can be alot of distance between the two!

it is a challenge when in North America being size two or size 8 is seen as the "right" size to be. Are they more loved because they are? No! 

I think we need to be kinder to ourselves. Eat healthy, exercise for sure, but give yourself a break. Say nice things when you look in the mirror!! 

We are loved because of who we are. The kindness we show, the love we share. The laughter we inspire in others. The way you make people feel like they matter. These are the kind of things that truly count.

Your clothing size, how big your nose is...seriously,it is not the deal you think it is. You are special. There is no one like you. God made you ..you. No one else can bring to this world exactly what you do.

Today, love yourself and love others! That is what really matters!

When your cage gets rattled!

 On our recent trip to Belize, I was standing in front a cage of 4 green parrots. I  wanted to hear just what they sounded like... So, I kind of banged on their cage a wee bit. The response was pretty clear. Alot of flapping around and loud non-melodic calls! Wow! Not short on drama I'd say.

 I was thinking about when my cage gets rattled. How do I respond? I would like to say that my response is not like those crazy birds! However, I have done my share of squawking and flapping - truth be told.

Well... opening our cell phone bill today did more then rattle my cage. They wanted almost $3000. for one month, for four phones. Only one phone has data even! How is this possible you ask?! It takes work let me tell you. I drove as sanely as possible to the nearest Bell store. My heart pounding. I got there, realized I forgot the bill. Drove home, heart still pounding. On the second trip to the store, I started to pray for wisdom and for peace. Then Psalm 26:1 " Vindicate me oh Lord!". I doubt the Psalmist had cell phone bills in mind, but, this was my prayer. By the time I finally found parking(one of the pleasures of living downtown), I walked for a few minutes to the store. Shed a few tears when I talked to the guy. I think I scared him. We have the bill down to just over $1100. now. They are still working on it. Happy to say , the mistakes are theirs' and not ours.

Fear is a poor leader. It brings out the worst in most people regardless of the situation. It can make you say crazy things or drive like a maniac. Neither are good. God is the Author of peace. When I took the time to pray on my second drive to the store, His peace did slowly seep into me. I was nice to the guy in the store. I am sure God was  pleased I had to drive home to get the bill.... Sometimes I feel like He builds time to pray into my day! I can tell you, the guy at the Bell store needs to thank God I had to drive home a second time. I am not sure I would have been so nice!

 When you hear stuff that strikes fear in your heart, consider your response. It is those moments you display for all watching just what you are made of.

In the bible , James 1:19 we read there that we need to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry. If we could just stop, breathe, ask God for the wisdom needed for this situation, we might spend less time regretting words spoken out of hurt and raw emotion. 

Its raining again here in Toronto. We have had a ton of grey rainy days for what seems like forever. In the same way, I choose to prepare to walk into pouring rain, we ought to prepare ourselves for each day.

That looks different for everyone. I think of it like getting my soul boots on. I don't know what my day holds, but God does. I seek Him each morning before my feet hit the floor. I give to Him my concerns for the day. I remember how much bigger He is than whatever I have to face that day. This has helped me many times over.  I wish it was a recipe for no problems ever, but then that would not be living, right?

So, while I am waiting for my cell bill to reflect reality, I rest in God. I hope you will too with whatever is hanging heavy on your heart. God is for you and for me. He is on our side. We are loved by Him every day. 

Have a great day no matter what!

A Pocket Full of Suggestions!

Just like there are different challenges we face daily,so there is different kinds of trusting in the middle of them. Think about friends or colleagues you have. A big responsibility that is a huge deal to you, is in their hands. The outcome will effect you greatly. Can you sit back and trust them fully? Are you full of suggestions? Are they worthy of your trust? Let you down before?

it is not easy to trust people with a full heart. My husband knows when we drive, I have no shortage of warnings and helpful suggestions. It drives him crazy! He asked me once" Seriously Donna, how do I ever get through this city without you? Funny, I ask myself the same question( not out loud of course!). 

How empowering is it for the receiver of all our helpful suggestions? Whether it s a friend, spouse, or child? For sure, sometimes it is very important and useful. Not always though.How in the world will these people dear to us learn to climb mountains if we carry them up every other mountain? May we have wisdom and understanding and even courage to trust them. May we learn to cheer those dear to us rather then always giving instructions and what we might call " encouragements". 

How we do or do not trust people, is the difference of being wind in their sails or more like the sail boat in the middle of the lake without a breeze. Our words are powerful. That is why in the book of James 3:6-12in the Bible it says. that while man has been able to tame all kinds of animals in this world, he can not tame the tongue. It likens the tongue to a spark that can set an entire forest on fire. 

Today,lets not underestimate the power of our words to friends, kids, family, co-workers. Proverbs 15: 23 says" A person finds joy in an apt reply- how good is a timely word". 

May today be a day of apt replies and timely words for both of us!

What Flat tires and Complaining have in Common

Every day we have the gift of living but we  also are given the privilege of choice. When things don't come our way as they ought, people don't treat us as we deserve, options on how to respond pop up quickly.

To be kind and gracious in the face of injustice and unkindness towards us, is a real challenge. It makes me think how hard I would find it to be thankful on a day when the rain is pouring down, I am soaking wet, my shoes are gushing, but in my heart, I am giving thanks for the health and gift of strength and even a place to go to.

Complaing is a life sucking habit. Whether you are the complainer or the listener. If you think about the last time your boss or teacher looked over that project  you felt so good about. You looked forward to some needed afirmation but they found that one thing to dwell on,  and complained about.

You are deflated, just like a tire on a bike or car. It is so hard to move forward. 

Keys to moving from that place if you are the one who is in the receiving end, forgive them, learn what you can and move on. Don't give in to stewing about it and don't tell a million people. That is how to get  the roots of bitterness growing in your soul. In every retelling, it is like fertilizing a grudge. That my friend is a bad habit. I am not telling you this becuase I have mastered. I have no shortage of opportunity to practice what I am saying here.

On the other hand, if you are the complainer, know that you are not breathing life into yourself or your listeners. If something must be said, let it be said with wisdom added. Know when you have said enough. Be kind and clear. When wisdom is applied, it becomes constructive criticism. 

Living daily, with grace is wise . That is what sets you apart from the rest. In a field of dandelions, you will be that beautiful flower, .... Pick your favorite...that is you. 

Standing at a roadblock in your life?

Do you feel like a small ant trying to get past a huge boulder which is totally blocking your way? Just to make it worse, you have tried all the tips from friends and family,read the books, yet, here you are still! You and your boulder. 

You are not the first to be standing in such a place. Nor are you alone. One cannot make it far on the path of life without the odd massive boulder blocking the way. 

The shocker is this... a person can learn alot of important lessons leaning by that crazy boulder. You find out who you really are in the waiting. You can complain, be angry and bitter. You can blame someone maybe? Sadly, it may feel better at the moment, but it does not move things out of our path.

How you and I respond to the boulders we face, tells anyone watching just who we really are. 

It is in the waiting that character is built. In the book of James in the Bible, Chapter 1:2-4 we learn that the testing of our faith developes perseverence and when that is over, we mature in our faith. Believing that God loves you when you feel forgotten leaning on your boulder, really is a huge test of faith.

Growing up in a home where my dad forgot me, more then once has left its ugly mark. It does not take much for me to feel forgotten. Perhaps you understand what I am talking about here? This is the thing though. While my dad forgot me , God never has. He has met me at every boulder, either helped me climb over it or showed me the way around. Sometimes, redirected me altogether.

You do matter to God, even if you don't feel like you matter a whole lot to people at the moment. Find a Bible, on- line or some where in your house. Read Proverbs 3:5,6, take the advice you find there. Jesus is the One who will never walk away. He will not make your life perfect. He will give you peace though. He will show you what to do with the wretched boulder standing in your way. Who knows, He may want it there because the path you are on,is not the one He wants for you. 

Remember, God loves you and you matter to Him.

Getting Rid of Regrets!

Living with regret is a bit like living with stones in your shoe. They don't even have to be big, just pebbles, and you know they are there!

For several years I struggled under the burden of regret when my father passed away. The last time I saw my father alive was Christmas day and I was 18 years old. I had very little time off from college and spent most of it with my friends. I even went out of town to hang out with a friends' family. I knew when I got there,  I should have spent more time with my family,my dad especially. I made a fast decisions and regretted it later.

I had no idea I would never see my dad again. I would have chosen differently had I known. For a long long time, regret bit at my heart. 

I discovered that guilt and regret are very good friends. 

What do should we do with regrets? How do we get those stones out of our shoe and keep them out? Do you have any stones in your shoes? 

It makes a big difference if you are able to go and ask forgiveness but that is not always possible. It was too late for me. 

In my situation, I had to let myself off the hook. There is an old saying " the hardest person to forgive is yourself".

So, I did eventually forgive myself and asked Jesus to forgive me. In 1 John 1:9 it tells us that if we confess our sins ( that is the bad stuff we do) He will forgive us, and the cool part is He forgives us completely. He wipes the record spotlessly clean. 

That is what I needed and maybe that is what you need too. It is not hard and it does feel better!

I did learn from my mistake and tried to make different choices in the decisions that followed.

Make sure though, that your regrets are fair. I know that some people feel regret when it is not there fault. It is very important to just claim to your regret or guilt and not other peoples ! May God give you wisdom to know when that is.

If you do these few simple things I have suggested, you will find those pesky stones in your shoe, quietly dissappear. Wouldn't that be nice?

Nasty Habits.

 Nasty habits are tough to break for anyone. Everyone has something. One thing that you can be sure of. You will never be rid of it unless you admit it is there and that it's a problem and you really are sick of it. 

  I found this poem which is one of my favorites. Maybe it will say something to you for your life. Check it out:

                                           Autobiography in 

                                   Five Short Chapters: By Partia Nelson

                                    From " There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

                                                       I

                                      I walk down the street.

                               There is a deeep hole in the sidewalk.

                                                   I fall in.

                                          I am lost... I am helpless.

                                                It isn't my fault.

                                It takes forever to find a way out.

                                                        II

                                  I walk down the same street.

                               There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

                                      I pretend I don't see it.

                                            I fall in again.

                               I can't believe I am in the same place.

                                   But ,it takes a long time to get out.

                                 It still takes a long time to get out.

                                                   III

                                  I walk down the same street.

                            There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

                                      I see it is still there.

                                   I still fall in. It's a habit.

                                       My eyes are open.

                                      I know where I am.

                        It is my fault and I get out immediately.

                                                 IV

                              I walk down the same street.

                         There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

                                    I walk around it.

                                            V

                              I walk down another street.

What about you? Any deep holes you keep falling into? Are you tired of it? Is it a problem? All of life there will be more deep holes for us to fall into.

I have had my fair share of holes let me tell you. I had to admit that it was a problem and I was to blame. That is never easy to do.

It was worth it though. I always ask Jesus to help me and He does. Habits are broken a day at a time or sometimes a moment at a time depending on what it is.

I hope that something here has been helpful to you today. Watch out for those deep holes. May you have wisdom to recognize them when you land in one!                        

Moving on but Dragging my Feet...

  It is hard to move past a really tough break-up. The fears rise yelling " I will never find anyone who will truly love me. It feels like that today, but it won't always. 

Moving on is like opening yourself up to new possibilities that you never dreamt about. I remember when this one guy really slaughtered my heart, I honestly thought I should consider being a nun or something that required a life without a life partner. 

Then, things changed. If I had been tied to the wrong person, then I would never have met the right one. I know you might be thinking " but he was perfect". Well.... he was not so perfect if he did not want to stick it out through the hard times of your relationship. 

Take some time to really look back now. Ask yourself a few questions maybe?

1. What qualities were the greatest in this person that I want to look for next time?What bad stuff would I like to avoid next time?

2. How do I really want to be treated?

3. Were you honestly happy? Did that person really care for you in a respectful way?

4. What did I learn from this experience? 

5. What can I do differently next time.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 says" Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

Jesus always is there for you. He won't step out on you like people do sometimes. He does not always do things the way you think He should. He does see however,see up the mountains, around the corner and through the misty paths you find yourself on. He is all wise and is fully trustworthy...honestly!

Help for a Broken Heart

Does you heart feel like it has been stepped on and set aside by someone you cared about deeply? You were pretty sure you mattered but not anymore? Please know,you are not alone in this. It really does happen to most poeple. There are some who meet Mr. or Mrs. Right when they are young and are still married today. While that is beautiful, it is also not super common. My suggestions here are for those who have broken dating relationships,though some suggestions could apply to other circumstances.

1. You need to accept the loss.

2. Know when you have talked about it enough. Honestly, the wound in your heart will not feel better because you tell your story over and over again.

3. Forgive them,even though they do not deserve it. After you forgive, move on. There really is a better match out there for you...honestly.

4. Even if your heart is in a crushed state, maybe do something for someone who could never pay back your kindness. Who is lonely that you could visit and bring a small gift to?

5. Find a great book and read it. Please let it be funny! Not a reader? Maybe a great movie.

6. Don't sit home alone.

7. Don't go drink alcohol. It might dull the pain but please know this, your pain will greet you once again in the morning. Honestly, I know too many people who have looked to alcohol as their comfort in hard times. Some of them turned into alcholics. It is a dangerous habit to get into.

8. Jesus is the healer of the broken heart. Ask Him for peace. He has great plans for you. He has not changed His mind.

9. Please know that the sun will shine again. Today and how you feel right now is NOT forever.

10. Even if you feel discarded by this person, there are others in your life that love you. Your life is important and you matter!

11. Don't go looking for a replacement " boyfriend/girlfriend" today. Wait. Let your heart heal. You need to be able to think straight and make a good choice.

12. Know this... It is in the valleys we find out who we are. Are you spiteful, mean and full of horrible things to say about this person who wronged you? Forgive...let go. Be kind even though they are not. Show the world what you are made of. You can't? It is too hard? God is waiting. He is a very present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). He will not make your life magically perfect, but He will give you peace and strength for this difficult road.

Stuff Learned the Hard Way

 There is lots of stuff that was not what I would describe as lessons that were a ton of fun to learn. In the next several weeks, I hope to share some lessons I and some of my friends have learned. Maybe you will not have to take the hard road. Rather, learn from others hard knocks instead of having to go through it yourself.

Lesson One- 

I remember many years ago, I found out the hard way that yelling is a pretty lousy way to resolve an argument. To be honest it was the only way I knew to resolve a disagreement. When I was growing up, it was sort of like whoever yelled loudest won. At least that is how I remember it. 

When I was just married to my husband Bill, we were in a laundry mat, doing laundry. Something was not making me happy. I cannot remember what, I do know that I yelled at Bill ( just like I did all the years of growing up) and he just said" that is not how we resolve things Donna" and he walked out of the laundry mat.

I was shocked. How in the world would I survive disagreements if I could not yell? He came back in a little while. I apologized. 

It took some major adjustments, but I did learn to just speak instead. Not easy let me tell you. 

Proverbs 15:1 says " a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"(NIV)

Maybe you are a yeller. It is never too late to change. You don't feel any better after screaming your head off suprisingly. Just speak. Sometimes, no reply is wise. Wait until things calm a bit. Sometimes that is the right thing to do.  What do you think?

6 Reasons Dating a NON – Christian is a not so great idea, when you are a Christian.

 6 Reasons Dating a NON – Christian is a not so great idea, when you are a Christian.

It would be easier to tell you that it is a wonderful idea to just date whoever you want. When you are a Christian, it is different. Here are a few reasons. I hope it is helpful.

1.    Jesus says in 2 Cor. 16:4- “Do not be yoked with an unbeliever.”  If Jesus is who you are following and you have given your life to that, then it is appropriate to assume He is the most important person in your life.
To date a non-Christian would therefore make no sense. Jesus is not a hobby or just an interest, if that were the case, than it would make sense to date a non-Christian because in a relationship, both people will have different hobbies and interests. However to follow Jesus means giving up your life and becoming joyfully obedient to the plans He has for you. To be in a relationship with someone who isn’t on that journey will certainly hinder that process for you.


2.    The person you are dating is a big deal in your life. If they do not share your faith, they will have a hard time helping you grow closer to Christ as your best friend and Savoir.You may try and convince yourself that you can still grow and follow Jesus with this person, and that is just not the case.
   

3.    There will be areas of your life, you cannot share. For example, you are struggling at school. You ask your best friends to pray for you and they will if they share your faith, they see the value of prayer. A person who does not know Christ will have nice thoughts for you. That won’t change anything.

4.  Even if this person you want to date is the nicest you have ever met, does not make it what God has for you.  If you end of falling in love and wanting to get married, now what? You have a lifetime of going to church alone, sharing what is dearest to your heart alone. If the day comes and you and your now husband have children, a new challenge rises. How are you raising them? With faith, no faith a bit of faith?


5.  When there are cool things going on in your church and you would love to invite your important person, but they are not comfortable or interested. So, you go…. But you cannot go see them the next day and share about the neat things you learned or what you really believe God said to you. They might be very happy for you, but that is where it would end. That is sad.

6.  A relationship in God’s eyes is two people pursuing him individually outside of marriage and together within marriage. If we believe everything we do including our relationships is to be for God’s glory, than that cannot happen if one of you doesn’t even believe in giving God glory.

There are likely more reasons then I have said here. But you get the idea. 

The No No’s of breaking up A Dating Relationship

1.Don’t do it over a text, email or leave a phone message. It is not classy. It screams to the world “you are a coward!” And you are not. You are brave and honest

2.Don’t break up in front of other people.

3. Don't do it on their birthday.

4Don't make a video of your break up speech and put it on YouTube. It may be creative but again...no class.

5.Don't promise that maybe you will get back together again or that you just need space when the truth is you are "done". If it is over then it is over. Saying stuff like " its not you , its me",lines like that leave them wondering what they could have done differently. That is not cool. You are not uncool. Don't forget that.

6. Think about what you need to say and DO NOT say more then is helpful. All your words are not going to make it better.Going on and on about how things are not working out is not going to make it hurt less. You DO need to make sure they understand though. That is it.

7. Be nice. You do not need to  put them down or be disrespectful to them. You do not want to be the reason they start seeing a counselor tomorrow! 

8. Timing is important. If you feel like things are not working out and you have knot in your stomach, then don't put it off. If however their favorite Uncle just died that day, wait at least a bit! Not too long though.

9.Make very sure that the only person they are hearing from about your intentions of breaking up is YOU. Whatever you do, no facebook status' announcing it to the world. Whatever the reason you are breaking up, maybe they cheated on you. Don't stoop down to that level. It won't take the hurt out by hurting them back.

10. Before you go and deliver your breaking up news, take some time to pray and forgive this person for the wrongs done or wherever you feel disappointed. You will save yourself from sounding bitter and you will be able to think more clearly. Bitterness and unforgiveness does get in the way of hearing and speaking well.

Breaking up a dating relationship is not fun. How you do it however says alot about you. Be as kind as you are able but clear. If the relationship is abusive for SURE, get out of it. You deserve to be treated with love and kindness. Don't settle for less. 

I always go to Jesus for wisdom and guidance for all things. I encourage you to go to Him also. He has all the wisdom and courage you need. Invite Him to come along. He is my strength and my Good Shepherd on the good and days and the bad. He is willing to be all that and more to you as well. You need to ask Him.

To Commit or Not Commit- That is the Question!

 Donna says “ Commitment is a big deal depending how you think about it in a relationship. Some people hold to the idea that unless they are planning to get married to the person, they refuse to commit. Some view commitment more like smelling a flower in the garden of choices with the outcome yet to be determined. One thing for certain is you both need to have the same understanding of what commitment in your relationship means.”

 “You need to ask yourself some very specific questions about the other person. At the same time, you need to be very honest with yourself with the answers.”

For example:

1.    Do they make you a better person?

2.    Is it ever a chore to be with them?

3.    Are you happier when they are around?

4.    Do you like them even with their faults?

5.    Are you looking to be in a relationship because you are lonely? That is not a good reason to commit if you cannot answer yes to the above questions.

6.    Do you feel like you are settling like you are settling for second best?

7.    Are you ready to be considering another in your plans?

8.    Have you really taken the time to think the possibility of this commitment through?

9.    Do you like how them just because they are physically attractive or does it go beyond that.

10.  If you are a Christian, do they share your faith? Will they help you grow in your faith?  Have you asked Jesus what He would have you do?

 Pastor Jon says-  ”If you have chosen to follow Jesus, the question of whether to commit should involve you asking the question, “Is this someone who pushes me closer to Jesus and causes me to love him more?” If that question cannot be answered with full confidence, then you should not entertain the thought of commitment.”