Donna says: Being in a controlling relationship is not a lot of fun. Take a look at my first ever quiz on this topic and simply ask yourself “ Am I being controlling? or am I being controlled by your boyfriend or girlfriend?”
The Control Quiz....
1. Do you expect your boyfriend /girlfriend to call you a minimum of once a day?
2. Have you ever told your "significant person" that they have to stop being friends with different individuals? (it is different however, if those were harmful relationships, even then, how you ask, is important.)
3.Do you tell your B.F. or G.F. how they need to dress?
4.Do you text your B.F. or G.F. during a special meal when your family has company over? Are you checking out where they are?
5. Do you own your b.f. or G.F. or B.F. time all weekend long, every weekend?
6.At a coffee shop, who decides what she/he will drink?
7.If you leave early from a gathering, is your B.F or G.F. required to leave with you, even if they would like to stay?
8. Do you get in knots if your B.F. or G.F. is talking to another guy/girl who you think is likely a good catch and you are feeling threatened? What do you do? Do you try to take control of the situation?
No one likes to feel like they are on a leash. If you have answered yes to even a few questions above, you may just be a leash holder. Trust and respect, honor for the commitment to your relationship is a huge deal. If this person is the right one for you, then relax. They are not going anywhere. If you lose that B.F./G.F. that easily, they were really not that interested in you as heart shattering as it feels at the time.
Wait for the day, when that person, who really truly cares comes along. Again, know what real love looks like lived out. Not toxic, controlling "love". There may be a lot of passion, but you are not looking for firecracker love relationships.
If you how you handle life has changed significantly and not for the good. Think about this, before you were confident to make decisions and express yourself and now you are scared to express yourself and your heart is full of worry since you started dating this person? If this sounds like you RUN! A real relationship that is right, you will both be even better people, more at peace and you will thrive in your lives.
Think about it. You both need room to breathe.
Take a look at what Pastor Jon says next!
Sometimes a boyfriend or girlfriend can be really bossy and controlling. They act like they own the other person, and the person being bossed around feels like they have to do everything they are told to do. This is not good! Your boyfriend/girlfriend should never treat you like this.
When you are just dating you shouldn’t have to check in or ask permission to do things, as if they run your life. For sure, you do want to respect them, and not be totally selfish, but you should feel free to be yourself around them. If you feel like you might be the controlling person, a good way to stop this is to spend time in groups with the boy/girl you like, doing activities together, and not just by yourselves.
If you feel like you might be a bossy & controlling boyfriend or girlfriend, you should ask yourself, why? I think that the reason people become controlling is because they are afraid that losing control will mean their boyfriend/girlfriend will dump them. If your relationship is based on fear, that is really bad. Luckily for those of us who follow Jesus, there is help! God says that he will never leave you or forsake you, and that He will walk with you through every moment of your life. If this is true, it means you can trust God with every part of your life, including your dating relationships. The more we trust God with our dating life, the more we can trust our boyfriend/girlfriend too, instead of trying to control them.
I know somebody who really, really, wanted to date a girl, and spent a long time convincing her to be his girlfriend. Once she agreed the thought of ever losing her having her was scary, he worried about that a LOT. One day he got a call from the girl telling him that she wasn’t interested in being his girlfriend anymore. Just like that, his biggest fear had come true, and his girlfriend had dumped him. But guess what? Life went on! There were other people in his life that loved him, and he was able to have lots of fun with other friends and family in his life, rather than putting all of his energy into this one dating relationship.
I want you to know that if you have ever felt like this, like all of your thoughts and dreams revolve around one person, and believe life wont be complete without them- it’s just not true. For those of you who follow Jesus, know that he is the only person we cannot live without. He is more than enough for all of our needs; He helps us through bad break ups and other messy times in our lives.
Being in a relationship with Him is the most important thing, and letting that trust in him be the focus of all our other relationships is the best thing in the world!