I was thinking about what are some of the most important tips I could tell someone on how to make a marriage last. I have been married to my husband Bill for 36 years now and I hope and pray for many more years to come! Here are the top ten things I have learned about making it last.
Listen when they talk. Don’t tune your partner out.
Respect them- especially in public. Do not tell people dumb things they did and make them feel like they are an idiot…. unless of course it is a story that is just funny and they don’t mind you telling it. Do not assume though.
When trouble comes, especially when it is one of your children, your partner is not the enemy. You have to stand together through the storms, and not fight against each other.
Don’t take your bad day out on each other.
Do not fight when you are tired or at the end of the day. Agree together that you will talk when you are tired. There is wisdom around timing and even how much to say. Know when you have said enough. Don’t go on and on. It is never helpful.
Learn to fight fair. Accusations like “you always or you never” are rarely helpful or true.
Believe in each other. If you do, you will see them rise to accomplish amazing things and endure hard times, in part because the one they love is cheering for them. Be each other’s biggest fan.
Learn to forgive well. Bitterness is a poison that finds its way into every memory and conversation. It can poison your children and others you are close to.
Learn to compromise. It cannot always be your way or their way.
10. The small and thoughtful things you can do for each other add up and are precious.
If you have children, you are teaching them how to do life every day with someone. How you love and care for each other speaks louder to them than any book they will ever read. You will teach them how to forgive, how to listen and how to care for this one whom you are walking through life with.
Remember, It is an important journey and one you want to get right. Know who you married and accept them. Do not spend your energy trying to change them. The only person you can change is you.
When I run out of love I look to the Author of Love who is God. When I run out of wisdom which I often do, I turn to the One whose wisdom which is above anything on Earth who is again God.
Lastly, in a day where faithfulness to one’s partner seems optional, in my experience, it is NOT. Be faithful and true to the vows you took today and every day that follows.
Technically, this is more than 10 things so, let’s think of the other tips as bonuses!