One Thing that Matters

I was thinking while I was out on my run today about life lessons and wondering where are people gaining their life lessons these days? I was concerned as I pondered this thought. There is so much ridiculous stuff on social media, T.V., or the various streaming services. I am by no means saying it is all bad or that we should not watch it. I question for myself sometimes, is it worth my time? Regardless, my point is that I dearly hope that our life lessons do not come from them.

Wisdom is priceless regardless of the season of life we find ourselves, and to have a storehouse full is amazing. I remember sitting with my mom or my mother-in-law and other people who had walked many roads for a long time. I loved just hearing their stories and what they had learned as they went along. I also learn a lot from the perspectives of people much younger than myself including children, they have some amazing insights that I would have totally missed.

I want to always be learning as I speak with people or as I read. I don’t want to be unteachable just because I have lived 6 decades now. There is so much more to learn.

I love reading the Bible and there I find so many important life lessons. To be honest with you, It really is my primary source. I love the book of Proverbs. It covers so many topics and there are 31 chapters, one for each day of the month. There is wisdom throughout the entire Bible. Some of it is mystifying I admit but that is why you have to study it and ask questions and understand the context. God has given us the Holy Spirit to teach us and He is the best teacher. There are all kinds of commentaries that help when I am really confused.

Proverbs 3:13-14 says this “ Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields more returns than gold’

Wisdom carries us a long way in this life. My prayer for you my dear reader is that you will be rich in it. We cannot buy it in any store but to possess it is to be rich indeed.

When Silence is Golden

The world is full of opinions and convictions, I have my own collection that I developed over the years. In the past few months with the challenges the world is facing, it takes one brief read of the world news to develop all kinds of opinions and convictions on health, behavior, and the wisest way forward. I think everyone has lots to say about all kinds of things these days.

As a parent though, especially as a grandparent, the wisdom to know when silence is best is invaluable. If you could buy that kind of thing in the store, the cost would be outrageous. Its value has no measure.

Proverbs 13:3 says “He who guards his lips, guards his life, but he who speaks rashly, comes to ruin.”

It is easy to jump to the conclusion “but if I don’t say something, nothing will ever change”. At times, that is true. The next question one needs to ask is this, who is it that should say anything? Sometimes it is our place to say something. Many times, especially as a grandparent, silence is wisest. Unless we are being asked point-blank, it is wise to say nothing. Sometimes silence is louder than words.

I was in a situation recently, with thoughts bursting in my head, somehow God in His quiet way reminded me that this issue that was gnawing at me, is His battle and not mine. I have been giving it over to God every single time it starts nagging me. It allows me to just be silent and trust that God hears my prayers which all me to thank Him that He because has it well in hand.

May God Himself give you the wisdom to know what battles are His to fight and which are your own. He is always willing to assist us no matter what!

Why Should I think about dying??

I know this sounds like a really morbid question, but truly it is not. It is a question we all need to consider and the sooner the better.

We hear a lot about people dying all over the world these days and it is indeed heartbreaking. Yet, I want to take a few moments to encourage you to think about the days you have before you which is a gift we call life? What do you want to leave behind you when you are finished all your days? No one knows how many days or years we have left.

Ask yourself what do you want to have left in the hearts and minds of people? What truths do you want to make sure the ones you love, fully understand are most dear to you? That you love them? Perhaps that sounds crazy, but many people struggle to say those words. I have not one memory of my father ever telling me he loves me. I know he did because my mom told me he did. He showed me he loved me in his own way, but words… no.

What is most dear to you? What are you doing to make sure the ones you want to know are actually hearing what is on your heart? You might think “but I am so young”. These questions are important because they inform us about how we should spend our time and how we speak.

For me, I like to keep things simple. I want my family to know that I love them with every fiber of my being and that Jesus really is exactly who He said He is. I want them to live their lives in such a way that they reflect His love and presence in their lives .

Psalm 90:12 says it perfectly “ Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Taking these moments to consider this one question is wise and is especially beneficial if we act on our response.

Dearest Martha

To all my fellow Martha’s out there,

Thank you for all the food you have prepared, all the tables you have set, and the gifts you have given. You have blessed many people. Sitting is hard for you, and Jesus sees that. If “keeping busy” could be a middle name, it would be yours.

The need or habit of being busy can make it challenging to hear His voice speak in the silence. I live with a man who if Mary could be a man’s name, it would be his with capital letters. He can sit silently for hours, writing in his journal and reading his Bible. Then there is me, I have spent years feeling like I will never be enough as I can’t read my Bible endlessly nor write in my journal for hours. What a freeing revelation to discover that I am still loved by God and He loves me just as I am.

What I will do, is walk and talk to God, sweep and talk to God, listen to the Bible while I work doing whatever I am doing. I will for sure sit and read my Bible, but not like Mary. My walk with God differently.

Jesus loves Martha and I think if there is one thing He would want us to know it is this: it is ok to be busy, but we need to also listen for His voice even when we are doing what we do. When I came home from my run today, I was sitting in silence waiting to hear what God would have for me to write, and I heard nothing. I said to God, “Well, I am going to sweep the yard “ (my yard is all cement). Then, that is when I felt him say, write a Dear Martha blog.

Isaiah 40:31 tells all of us Mary or Martha, they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary and walk and not faint”. For the Martha’s reading this, our waiting may just look a little different, but the truth of this passage does not change.

God meets us as we wait and renews us. The passage in Scripture that I was thinking about as I wrote today was Luke 10:38-42. We meet a flustered and busy Martha, making a special meal for Jesus and whoever else was there. Yet, where is Mary? Sitting at Jesus’s feet oblivious to Martha and all the action of the kitchen. Martha was mad. I can understand that also. I would have felt exactly the same way as Martha but that was years ago. I have learned to let things go over the years. Mary discovered what mattered and Martha should have just planned differently - a simple meal that can be prepared when Jesus is finished.

Jesus is always wanting us to sit and be with him. This is a hard thing for us to do some days. There are times when I am excellent at sitting but not always.

If the disciples walked and talked with Jesus, so can we. They did not always sit and listen, but they also walked with Christ along the road all while hearing him speak.

So, to you my fellow Martha’s reading this, it’s ok. We are loved and all is well. Deep breaths! Things will work out, maybe not as perfectly as you had so carefully planned, but that is ok too, right?

The One Question I Believe God Asked me Today

I love when God speaks to me clearly. I wish I could say it is every day, but I would be lying. I believe God is always speaking, however, in my life, I think I just get too distracted to hear His voice.

Today I was making supper and listening to a podcast. I was thinking about my blog and how I had not gotten to it today. In a simple prayer, I asked Him, what is on Your heart today?

Then, I heard His still quiet voice amidst much talk about COVID, “do you think I am big enough? Do you think I Am big enough to walk with you through this valley of the shadow of death? Am I big enough to calm your fears to care for you or your loved ones contract COVID 19?

“Do you think I am big enough to direct the scientists as they look for a vaccine? Am I big enough to walk through this valley? For you, it is the first time you have seen something like this. For Me, there have been others. “

This is the simple question for today, do you think that God is big enough? Psalm 46 says this “ God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the sea…”.

I have never lived through anything to this extent but I have walked through many valleys and I can tell you that I have found God nothing but faithful and more than big enough for the greatest challenges life has brought my way. If God is not big enough for this current crisis, then I think we are really in trouble! God who hung the stars and formed the earth and gives us breath to breathe moment by moment is indeed more than able to walk with us through this valley, wherever it may lead.

3 Things that Help Us in Troubled Times

The condition of one’s soul matters not just when a ship is sinking but every day. Each day we read the numbers of new COVID 19 cases and hear of the resulting deaths. Indeed, it is heartbreaking. Amidst the turmoil, this news must have some effect on our hearts. Here are 3 things that stir within me that I have found helpful.

1. Know the One who holds your life in His hands. Psalm 139:16 says, “your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days were ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God has not gone to the calendar and switched anything since this virus began to creep across the planet. For sure wash your hands, etc., and be wise but know this too - God has marked all of our days long ago.

2. God, the author of peace in its truest form, offers it to all who seek it. Here is part of an old hymn that has been going through my mind this morning. It is called “When Peace Like a River”:

   “When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll
   Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

3. God holds us in His hand so we do not need to be afraid. Isaiah 41:10 says, “ Do not fear, do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God and I uphold you in my righteous right hand.” I find great comfort in knowing that I live every single day with His hand holding me steady.

   It is by these three things I find rest for my soul in the midst of turmoil and uncertainty. I hope that you will as well.

When Angels Step In

Living in Fort St. John while wonderful, was a long trip from Ontario. Every summer, we would pack up our car and make the long drive. One year, on our way back to B.C. when we decided to stop for lunch. We piled out of our brand new car. It was amazing to be driving such a wonderful reliable car. We ate our meal and piled back into the car. It was a beautiful sunny day. The car did NOT start! That was a real shock to all of us! The car was brand new! Bill looked under the hood, we had lots of gas. So, we prayed together as a family. About 5 minutes had passed when we tried and the car started. It was really weird.

We started down the highway and after driving 5-8 minutes, right before us was a semi truck in the ditch and cars smashed and people everywhere, some with serious injuries. It was with sobering realization that we would very likely have been in that same accident if our car had started as it should have. That car never failed to start again, only that one time.

If we could have seen with our spiritual eyes, I believe we would have seen an angel doing something to our engine. I have no idea. Whatever happened, we were spared untold harm to our family. I have never seen an angel, but I have been the recipient of their ministry.

Psalm 119: 11-12 “ For He will command His angels concerning you and guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone”.

In these days of a virus that is frightening to many and endless hand-washing, it is good to know that we not only have God watching over us, but some angels also are really busy. If only we could see them!!!

Stay safe my friends.

Happy Coincidences or Answers to Prayer

I have had many people ask me over the years “ Donna why do you believe in God?” The first reason is because of the resting peace He gives me regardless of what is going on and the wisdom He offers me. He also provides me with His love to share with others when mine has run dry. And then … there are all the cool things I have seen him do.

I want to take the next few weeks or months and simply tell you some of the great things He has done. Some might say that is just a happy coincidence, I call them all answers to prayer. I think that during uncertain times it is nice to know that prayer is still powerful and God is still in the business of answering prayers. He does not always answer the way I have been hoping, sometimes He says “No” sometimes it is “ not right now, you have to wait” and then there are times when it is amazing. I want to talk about the amazing today. Here is this week’s story.

One of the greatest fears as a parent is when your child becomes lost. When we lived in Fort St. John my husband was the Youth Pastor. We were doing some kind of a youth event at this park. There was a large open field in the middle with a road on one side and a forest on the other. It was about 4 kilometers across ( I am just guessing) if you walked straight through you would hit another park road BUT if you turned and walked to the right- the forest does not end. If you have seen the virgin forests of Northern B.C. you know what I mean by a dense forest. That was where the problem began.

I was watching the teens as they were playing soccer. I was sitting at a picnic table rather than playing as I was keeping an eye on 3-year-old Martin. I noticed that my daughter Lisa was nowhere in sight. She was with her dad the last time I looked. She was about 4 or 5 at the time. I asked Bill” where is Lisa?”. He told me she was with some girls who were from about Grade 3 and they wanted to show her a hut they had built in the forest. It was just barely in the forest. I was alarmed, to say the least. I asked Bill how long ago was this? He said ‘maybe 20 minutes ago”. I told Bill you better start looking, He did. He went in the direction he had seen the girls go and there was no sign of them anywhere.

I was in my first trimester with our 3rd child and not feeling well. I panic I felt was great indeed and the prayers that followed were fervent, to say the least. Bill and the youth leaders all split off and were off running and calling for the girls. Bill ran around to the other side of the forest along the road, and prayed, “ Father my little girl is in there somewhere, please help me find her”.

In a moment, Bill said it was like someone shone a flashlight into the depths of the forest and he followed it. After about 15-20 minutes of walking, Bill could hear little girls singing a song they had learned in Sunday school. They stood in a circle holding hands and were singing and crying.

I know that it does not always work out this neat and tidy, but this time it did! I thank God for how He helped Bill to find our little girl and her friends.

Psalm 77: 2-4 “ I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, from of old, what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide from our children; the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, His powers and wonders He has done.”

Hope for Rainy Down Days

Years ago, I backpacked 22km. up a mountain on cross-country skis with a heavy backpack weighing me down. When I think of what it felt like after hours of skiing up that winding path, and then to see the mountain shelter finally come into view, relief flooded over me. That moment is as clear to me today as it was all those years ago.

God’s mercy is a bit like that. In this passage the psalmist talks about God’s mercy after acknowledging that God heard his cry. It might be a bit like the feeling one has when they keep finding people who do not understand what they are going through but then finally meet someone who totally gets it. There is a relief that comes, a sigh to the soul. This in my mind, is a similar to the mercy that is described in this passage.

 As we call out to God in the middle of our messy lives, He hears, and helps us. He gives strength for today. If you think about it, as we find ourselves on the receiving end of His help, we also discover that result is a joy that quietly slips into our hearts. All of this can help us as we seek to give thanks to God for a new day filled with new possibilities. I have found that as I give thanks for the smallest of things, it tends to usher me into a better attitude as I face the day.

 Dear Father,

Thank you for your mercy and that You hear me when I call to You. Thank you for a brand-new day to say thank you for small and great mercies. Give me eyes to see each one if mine are struggling. I need you Father to be my shield and my strength today. I do not have in myself all that is needed. Help me I pray.

This entry is based on Psalm 28:6-7 

The Upside of Disappointment

We have all had more than our share of disappointment. I sure have. I confess to you, I do get tired of them. I pray and I believe God but … it does not turn out at all the way I thought it was going to. Does this sound at all familiar to you?

What do we do with all the disappointments? Jobs pass us by, invitations pass us by, we fail at something we had hoped to do well at, we trusted God to lead a certain way… the list goes on. The more we live the more we have successes certainly, but my goodness, we also have to face the disappointments.

What could possibly be the upside of disappointments? Here is what I have discovered. It ushers you back to the forest where there is this path, and just off to the side a bench and when you look down you see carved into the stone bench is the words “ waiting place”. You notice it is well worn but very readable. The fact is - there is a lot of waiting in this life of ours. How we wait is the challenge we face.

We rant, we complain and maybe we are even bitter for awhile… but is this really how we want to live out this season of life? I wonder if there is not stages of disappointment like stages of that of grief. Some disappointments we can easily let go of- it is not a big deal anyway. Some though are big and they leave us feeling winded and bewildered while we sit on the waiting bench.

If you are broken hearted while you sit there the good news is that God promises us that He is near to the broken hearted. So if we can think of nothing else to be thankful for while we sit there, we can start by thanking Him for His presence. I pray that He will reveal Himself to you while you wait. In Psalm 121 He promises to be a very present help in times of trouble. That is also comforting.

Disappointment ushers into that “what now God” conversation .The wonderful thing is that He invites us into honest conversation with Him. As you wait - I pray that He will give to you His peace. The funny and awesome thing about His kind of peace, is this; it can rest on you even when not one thing from what you can see - has changed. We just know that He sees us while we sit there, He hears us while we rant or whatever we are doing. He cares and loves us still. His promises are all intact and this season of the waiting bench is not forever though it might feel like it.

I pray dear reader that in some small way, you will find some comfort today. The upside is simply this, we are in the position to sit on this bench and ask “ what is next then God” and know that He hears us. You are not alone. Many of us find ourselves sitting on that same bench or perhaps, we were just there. God has many lessons to be learned at “the waiting bench”.

2 Choices around Fearful Times

None of us are strangers to fear. It is either nipping at our toes or has gripped our hearts. Sometimes we get so used to it, or we fail to recognize its presence.

I went to my son’s former addiction rehab last night and attended the parents’ group. I have been praying for a number of the boys there. One mom caught my eye. It is her son that has been heavy on my heart. He is somewhere lost in his addictions which he has been struggling with for years. I wanted to ask the mom how her son was doing, but I did not need to. Worry and fear were etched into her face. I know that look, I have worn it myself when my own boy was lost in addiction. The fear for their very lives is an everyday event.

In Mark 4:35-41 we see that the day has come to an end and Jesus and the disciples have jumped into a boat. It had been a long day for Jesus teaching, crowds of people full of need pressing on every side. The boat and the prospect of getting to the other side was a welcome thought. Jesus, exhausted from his day, lays on a cushion at the back of the boat and falls asleep. The disciples find in short order they are dealing with a vicious storm that is threatening to overturn the boat! They do everything to try to steady the boat but know that this storm is beyond what they can navigate without Jesus’ intervention.

How often we find ourselves in this same predicament. We see the storm that is swirling all around us, we know that it is too much for us. We make our plans, we do what seems reasonable and wise, just like the disciples were doing in this story. They were experienced boaters, they know this sea and how prone it is to fast-approaching storms. They have seen it before.

There are many trials that come to each of us that are beyond our control, we cannot make all sick people well, we cannot make people get jobs, we cannot control the addict we love, nor can we fix the problems of other people as much as we would like to.

You know what is the problem that is causing fear to grip your heart or nip at your toes.

We have two choices. We can hold onto our fear and work our plan or we can do what the disciples did and call out in the middle of their fear and ask for His intervention.

In this passage, Jesus got up and rebuked the wind and the waves and everything stopped. He spoke to the disciples first though and called it as He saw it “ oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?’.

If we choose to call out to Jesus in this same way, He does intervene, except it is not always as fast as we see in this story. I have seen fast interventions by Jesus in my life and I am familiar with the slow kind as well. Regardless, He asks us to not fear but trust in Him. And that my friend is one of two choices, we will either trust Him to help in this storm or we do not. We are given that freedom.

What does trust look like though? It is like this. Picture yourself on a pile of rocks in the middle of a large body of water and the waves are crashing around you. You cannot see a way off these rocks try as you may. You call out to God “ help me God, there is no way out of here!” He throws you a lifeline and it lands at your feet, what will you do? Do you leave it there or do grab on and let Him pull you into a new place even when you cannot see where in the world He is taking you. That is what trust is. There are many people who believe in God and say they pray but they never grab onto the lifeline and hold on.

He is trustworthy and He sees what you cannot. Whatever you face today, know that He is big enough.

12 Things that made my "Good Stuff" List

Today is a sunny day in Toronto ( which is an event in itself these days) and I managed to go for a run. I was listening to a song and it is called “ The Good Stuff”. In the song, a guy had just had a fight with his wife and went to a bar and asked the bartender for a glass of the good stuff. The bartender said, “ we don’t serve that here”. He proceeded to pour him a glass of milk and told him what the “ good stuff” really is.

I wondered what would be my list of “the good stuff” "? So, here is my list and it is not necessarily in any particular order.

1. Family and all the precious times I have with them.

2. Friendships that span the years.

3. The joy of being a grandparent and the sacred privilege to share my life and my faith with them.

4. Health and wellbeing. I am almost 60 and I have not been this fit in many years. I run a few times a week now and find it clears my brain and helps me with anxiety which can really trip me up.

5. A rainy day which gives me the freedom to enjoy a good book and a cup of tea.

6. The knowledge that I did my best, whatever that is.

7. The courage to just forgive someone who has hurt or wronged me.

8. The resting peace I find when I sit with God’s word, reading and listening for His voice.

9. The pleasure of completing a project and seeing it turn out the way it was supposed to.

10. Sitting by a campfire with people that I love.

11. Walking with my dog ( hoping to get one someday soon)

12. Feeling the sunshine on my face. I love the sunshine!

What does your list look like?

Rainy Day Motivation!

I don’t know what the weather is where you are, but it is pouring here in Toronto! I really struggle on rainy days to stay focused on what I need to be doing.

I have discovered a podcast that has been helpful to me called “ The Lazy Genius”. I wish she would do one on motivation for rainy days! I like the way she thinks. She thinks in smart systems and asks great questions. She really is suited for young moms, which I am not. I am, however, a young grandmother!

Trying to get to the gym or writing for my next book or even writing this blog, can be really difficult. I know that there are people who pretty much skip to the gym. I am not one of them, I am more likely to skip home from the gym! I always feel better once I have gone.

The same is true when I have written another entry for my book and I am always thankful when I can write this blog and feel confident that in some small way, someone is encouraged or helped. But getting there is really hard some days! Even though I am considered a “writer”, I don’t feel like a writer. I don’t get excited at the thought of it, but it does feel right when I finally sit and do it!

I thought I would take “The Simple Genius” method and ask myself this question- what is causing me to feel so indifferent- as that is what I honestly feel and believe it leads me directly to an unmotivated unproductive day. I think it may be the belief or fear in my heart that says, what I do makes no difference. I need to change the message in my head if I am going to change my behavior.

For me, I am able to change the voice in my head in one place and that is prayer. It is where my hope and my footing find peace and wisdom. Here is my prayer for an unmotivated day

Thank you, Father God, that I have you with me, thank you that I know that You hear me when I pray. You see me even now. You are familiar with all my weaknesses and struggles and You still promise me in Your Word- that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. Thank you, Father, that You give me strength and renew hope, even on this very rainy day.

Amen

God's Latest Advice for me

I was doing my makeup (not an everyday event for me) and thinking. I could feel something was eating away at me quietly. For me, when things bother me, they just quietly bang around my head. It takes some time to really figure out what it is.

It is surprising what a bit of quiet can do for the soul, even while putting on makeup. I did figure it out, and the issue turns out to be the less than wise choices a loved one is making and frankly, there is not much I can do but pray.
I would like to just tell them point-blank about the decisions and choices they are making and what I think about them. There are times, when I am invited I can speak up, but generally, they do not ask. To say anything would only burn bridges in my relationship with them.

I confess I was feeling discouraged thinking about this one so very dear to me, then God, with that quiet calm voice, broke into my thoughts. He said” The battle is mine” and that is it. I would love to expound on all that He said, but that was it.

So, I take this loved one and lay them down at the feet of the One who is big enough to intervene and big enough to do in their heart what I have zero power to do.

I love the story of Gideon when God called him and his army into battle. I would love to have been there, at least I think I would have loved to have been there! Gideon was faced with a task that seems insane really. He had to attack the Midianites as God had asked him. He had a massive army which was great in Gideon’s eyes but not God’s. God cut the army down to only 300 men, the rest were all sent home. From our eyes, not the best battle plan! But God wanted Gideon and all of Israel to know that it was Him who won the battle. Gideon and his army just needed to show up. The victory was indeed given. The whole story is in Judges 6-7. if you would like to read it.

God is not resolving this deep concern I have for my loved one today, but He does give me peace knowing that the battle is not mine but His and He is asking me to trust Him in it. So, that is what I am going to do!

The Grudge Room

If we think of our soul as a house, it has several rooms. As we stroll through, some rooms are noticeably happier looking than others. There is, however, one room that is occupied quietly or perhaps not so quietly, and that is the grudge room. Some will say they have no grudge room and to you, I say, “that is great. I wish I could say the same!”

I would like to think I am not one to keep a grudge room, but I know it is not true. I was reading the scriptures this morning and was reminded of a serious warning that Christ gave in regard to forgiveness of sin. In Mark 11:25 he says that” when we stand praying and remember that we hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so your Father in Heaven may forgive your sins”.

When I read this I thought to myself “ well, I am holding no grudge whatsoever” and was ready to move right along. However, I took some time to really consider if I had some occupants locked in that grudge room that I had forgotten about. I was a little surprised when I saw who was sitting there waiting for me to release them. Jesus never gave permission to hold anyone captive, he simply asks that forgiveness is extended. So I took some time this morning to do this very thing.

I believe it is a good habit to keep going to check the “Grudge Room” and see if I have allowed someone to slip into it as the door locks behind them and only I have the power to release them. He also warns me that forgiveness flows from God as I forgive. So, forgive I must!

If there is one room that is good to have no clutter it is this room that some of us seem to have. Some people are better at keeping it clutter-free than others, but sometimes after quiet reflection, it may not be quite as clutter-free as you had thought. It is worth taking some time to take a good honest look.

My Top Ten Tips for a Long and Happy Marriage!

I was thinking about what are some of the most important tips I could tell someone on how to make a marriage last. I have been married to my husband Bill for 36 years now and I hope and pray for many more years to come! Here are the top ten things I have learned about making it last.

1. Listen when they talk. Don’t tune your partner out.

2. Respect them- especially in public. Do not tell people dumb things they did and make them feel like they are an idiot…. unless of course it is a story that is just funny and they don’t mind you telling it. Do not assume though.

3. When trouble comes, especially when it is one of your children, your partner is not the enemy. You have to stand together through the storms, and not fight against each other.

4. Don’t take your bad day out on each other.

5. Do not fight when you are tired or at the end of the day. Agree together that you will talk when you are tired. There is wisdom around timing and even how much to say. Know when you have said enough. Don’t go on and on. It is never helpful.

6. Learn to fight fair. Accusations like “you always or you never” are rarely helpful or true.

7. Believe in each other. If you do, you will see them rise to accomplish amazing things and endure hard times, in part because the one they love is cheering for them. Be each other’s biggest fan.

8. Learn to forgive well. Bitterness is a poison that finds its way into every memory and conversation. It can poison your children and others you are close to.

9. Learn to compromise. It cannot always be your way or their way.

10. The small and thoughtful things you can do for each other add up and are precious.

If you have children, you are teaching them how to do life every day with someone. How you love and care for each other speaks louder to them than any book they will ever read. You will teach them how to forgive, how to listen and how to care for this one whom you are walking through life with.

Remember, It is an important journey and one you want to get right. Know who you married and accept them. Do not spend your energy trying to change them. The only person you can change is you.

When I run out of love I look to the Author of Love who is God. When I run out of wisdom which I often do, I turn to the One whose wisdom which is above anything on Earth who is again God.

Lastly, in a day where faithfulness to one’s partner seems optional, in my experience, it is NOT. Be faithful and true to the vows you took today and every day that follows.

Technically, this is more than 10 things so, let’s think of the other tips as bonuses!

My Secret to letting go and letting God !

Day 5

 1 Peter 5:7- “Give your worries and cares over to God for he cares about you”

 it is easy to hold onto what haunts us. I sure don’t need instructions on how to hold on tight to every one of them, especially for my loved one.

 When a drunken text would light up my phone, my heart would begin to race, and then the panic would set in. This was generally the order of things. I wish I could say this only happened sometimes, but that would be a lie. I had well-meaning friends say, “Donna you shouldn’t worry”. If only it was that simple.

 The only way I can truly give my cares to God and leave them there would be to believe that He is big enough to care for my loved one. I need to know that in the middle of the messiness of my son’s life, my Lord, my Good Shepherd, would truly be with him, every moment. Then I would have to say thank you as that was a way of acknowledging that now God had him and I know that while I may not be able to trust loved one in his current state, I could trust God who holds the world in His hands. The One who is all-wise and all-powerful stood near my loved one. Then and only then, is the giving over possible.

 There is nothing about this that is easy, but it is possible. Whatever the worry or care, God says we ought to give it to Him. There is something much more comforting in the knowledge that the One we are passing this desperate worry and care over to cares for us and He cares for us perfectly and completely. Giving the care of something or someone very dear to us to someone who cares deeply is so much more comforting than passing that precious situation or loved one to someone who is indifferent. God is NOT indifferent – He loves and cares for us and for our loved one. He is big enough and He is faithful.

 Dear Father,

I want to lay my loved one down before You today. I want to say thank you for caring for me and for this loved one who is very dear to my heart. You know all my fears and you see where my loved one is right now. Watch over him. Care for him in all the ways that I cannot. I so much want to rescue him, but I cannot. It is beyond me and the truth of this frustrates me so deeply. But, Father God, I come to You and continue to ask – please watch over my loved one today, wherever he is.

In Jesus Name,

Amen.

Cliff Climbing

I had a dream last night and in it, I was climbing up a very steep cliff. As I climbed and even tried to look up, I could not make out the end of the climb. I could only reach for the next jagged rock, and pull myself up a little bit more and then a little bit more. Finally I found myself at the top, I could not even remember exactly how I got there. It is a reminded me of driving. I remember leaving my house, but somehow, I covered a lot of ground, but don’t exactly recall doing it. That is what parts of this cliff climb was like. Especially when I stood at the edge and looked down. I was amazed.

I asked the Lord this morning, what was that cliff climbing all about? He told me it is about faith. I was not expecting that reply. He said that “ faith is often pictured as jumping off a cliff and trusting that I will catch you. That is true but it is not the only picture of what true faith. Sometimes faith is climbing up a cliff where you cannot see the top. You can only see what you need to grab onto next. It is a hard climb and you know that you need Me. There is no doubt in your mind of the need for my presence, my strength, and my wisdom.”

I can honestly say that it is not a picture of faith I have ever considered before. The beauty of the climb at least in my mind is simple. There is no debate that God is desperately needed every moment of that journey.

Psalm 55:16-17 says “ But I call to the Lord and he saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice”

Maybe you feel like you are climbing a cliff today, remember these truths and more. You are not alone. He is with you.

Day 4- Worrying Prayer.

Read Psalm 18:6 “ In my distress I called to the Lord, I cried to the Lord for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears”.

I have always found it comforting to sit in a coffee shop with a friend who really listens and understands me. The difference between this very understanding and listening friend and God is this- God has the power and wisdom well beyond anything a person can do.

 It is comforting to remember that God is very different than people. As a young mom, I l sometimes would tune out my kids after they were coming to me with their one-hundredth request of that morning. I heard them, but sometimes it came in one ear and out the other. I am so thankful God is NOT like that.

 In this short verse, initially, we don’t need instructions- in our distress we call out to God. I do not need to tell you how to do that. However, remembering the second half sometimes requires reminding. God listens to our cry. The one who holds the whole world in the palm of His hand, the God who is all-powerful and more than able has heard your cry. Now, that brings a sigh of relief! We need someone like that to hear us!

 Peace will only come as you acknowledge this truth! Thank you, Father God, that you do hear me when I call to you. Thank you that I can know that you care for me and my loved one.

 Remember, another difference is that God can see into the future. He knows the journey of my loved one, today and tomorrow and every other day.

 Father,

Thank you that you care for me and my loved one in the middle of their struggles. Father, please reach down and intervene. Give to me peace and strength for today. I need you to watch over my loved one. You can do that like no one else.

 In Jesus Name.

Amen.

If Someone was looking to experience tension headaches or just tension in their muscles, you don’t have to work hard for that to happen. One drive downtown can do that for me, or a difficult conversation, or even a hard decision. There are lots of things. I am sure you have your own list.

A few days ago, I went through a list in my head of everything that was adding to the constant knot at the base of my neck. As I thought about what it is, I named it, described what is about the issue that was worrying me, then, I imagined laying it down at the foot of the cross. I did this over and over again, until- there was nothing left. It took a while. I also had to make sure I did not take that pile I just left at His feet and put all back upon myself!

I read a scripture today which I think is a very pleasant follow up to the practice. of giving all your burdens to God. Psalm 33:11 says this: “ May your unfailing love REST upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you”.

As I read that an image of one of those wheat bags you put in the microwave when your neck is sore and your muscles are tight. As I take it, put it in the microwave, then, take it out and wrap it around my neck, I feel the warmth and it rests on my neck and shoulders, just like God’s unfailing love. It surrounds me and rests on me.

So, today I stop and say thank you, Father, for your unfailing love- it is not fleeting like so much of this world. I can count on this. Your love stays with me always.