Stuff girls do on a date that drive guys crazy!

Pastor Jon says:

After surveying a few fine gents...

1) When girls spend time looking at their phone and texting other friends

2) When girls sending the wrong message on the date...giving the guy the impression there's hope for more...

3) When girls start talking about other guys they hang out with on the date

4) When girls start discussing all of the girl drama currently going on in their lives

5) When girls refuse to let the guy pay for the meal

6) Girls ordering a dainty salad and nothing else...

7) When girls are indecisive with the food options, even after the choices have been given...

8)When girls spend the whole time talking about themselves - ask good questions!

9) On the other hand, if the girl will not go past the surface level, that can be very frustrating.

10) When the girl takes foreeeeever to get ready

Stuff Guys do- on a date that Drive Girls Crazy

 Below you will find ten things that drive girls crazy on a date, or even a guy they are just dating. I asked a few young women to give me their top 5. This is what they had to say.

 1. Avoid eye contact-there is nothing worse then feeling like I am talking to your food rather then you.

2. Being too romantic. The best relationships begin as friends first. Don't rush things. It won't help you.

3.  Choosing the wrong conversation topic - Guys are notorious for choosing uncomfortable conversation topic... avoid controversial topics. At least on a first date!

4.  Never bring up past relationships - Doesn't seem as though they have moved on, and they are simply a filling in time with you.

5.  Checking their phone frequently - Makes the date seem unimportant and that they have somewhere else to be!

6.  Compliments - Guys tend to feel that girls need to be flattered continuously.  We are strong and independent, and we know that we look good on the date. One compliment is enough. Two max.

7.  When boys act dramatically different around their guy friends compared to when they are with you.

8.  When they send mixed messages. 
They make me think they are really interested in me, but actually, they are not or visa verse.

9.  When they are too flirty with all girls.

10 When they think they can put their arm around me or kiss me. Ask.

How to be an amazing First date

 How to make sure they never ask you out again. If you do the OPPOSITE of what Pastor Jon and I have here, you should be AMAZING!11.

1. Make sure you talk badly about everyone you can think of.
2. Interrupt them often.
3. Be late and don’t apologize.
4. If they are paying for the date, make sure you order the most expensive thing on the menu.
5. Don't say thank you for the evening.
6. Talk alot about the last person you dated.
7. Text your friends the whole time you are together.
8. Talk on and on about yourself and never ask them anything about themselves.
9. If they do manage to talk about themselves, yawn.
10. Make sure you kiss them goodnight whether they are interested or not.
11. Chew your food with your mouth open.
12.  Dress like a slob. That way the other person will know just how unspecial this evening is to you.

How a person acts that first time really is a big deal, first impressions matter. Nervous? Think about some questions you can ask and be interested in what they answer. Look them in the eyes when they talk.  Listening to them tells them they are important to you. Guys: girls love to be treated like “a lady”. Hold the door open for her (not because she can’t do it!). When you get to the table, pull the chair out for her (Not so she falls on the floor! That would be very bad!). 

 If you are a Christian, invite Jesus to come along. Ask Him for peace and wisdom to know what you should ask. Treat your date with all the respect and honor that they deserve. Not only on this date but always!

 Last Word by Pastor Jon… Remember then-Don’t be on your cellphone. Turn it off, and make the other person feel like you actually want to be on the date with them. Ask good questions, getting to know them. If you feel as though you spent more time talking about yourself than the other person, than that’s a problem. Be creative with your ideas, do something different than always going to a movie and what not. It says a lot to the other person when there is a lot of time and effort put into the date.

When Relationships Get too Controlling:

Donna says: Being in a controlling relationship is not a lot of fun. Take a look at my first ever quiz on this topic and simply ask yourself “ Am I being controlling? or am I being controlled by your boyfriend or girlfriend?”

 The Control Quiz....

        1. Do you expect your boyfriend /girlfriend to call you a minimum of once a day?

        2. Have you ever told your "significant person" that they have to stop being friends with different individuals? (it is different however, if those were harmful relationships, even then, how you ask, is important.)

         3.Do you tell your B.F. or G.F. how they need to dress?

         4.Do you text your B.F. or G.F. during a special meal when your family has company over? Are you checking out where they are?

        5. Do you own your b.f. or G.F. or B.F. time all weekend long, every weekend?

         6.At a coffee shop, who decides what she/he will drink?

         7.If you leave early from a gathering, is your B.F or G.F. required to leave with you, even if they would like to stay?

        8. Do you get in knots if your B.F. or G.F. is talking to another guy/girl who you think is likely a good catch and you are feeling threatened? What do you do? Do you try to take control of the situation?

 No one likes to feel like they are on a leash. If you have answered yes to even a few questions above, you may just be a leash holder. Trust and respect, honor for the commitment to your relationship is a huge deal. If this person is the right one for you, then relax. They are not going anywhere. If you lose that B.F./G.F. that easily, they were really not that interested in you as heart shattering as it feels at the time.

 Wait for the day, when that person, who really truly cares comes along. Again, know what real love looks like lived out. Not toxic, controlling "love". There may be a lot of passion, but you are not looking for firecracker love relationships.

 If you how you handle life has changed significantly and not for the good. Think about this, before you were confident to make decisions and express yourself and now you are scared to express yourself and your heart is full of worry since you started dating this person? If this sounds like you RUN! A real relationship that is right, you will both be even better people, more at peace and you will thrive in your lives.

 Think about it. You both need room to breathe.

Take a look at what Pastor Jon says next!

  Sometimes a boyfriend or girlfriend can be really bossy and controlling.  They act like they own the other person, and the person being bossed around feels like they have to do everything they are told to do.  This is not good!  Your boyfriend/girlfriend should never treat you like this.

 When you are just dating you shouldn’t have to check in or ask permission to do things, as if they run your life.  For sure, you do want to respect them, and not be totally selfish, but you should feel free to be yourself around them.  If you feel like you might be the controlling person,  a good way to stop this is to spend time in groups with the boy/girl you like, doing activities together, and not just by yourselves.

 If you feel like you might be a bossy & controlling boyfriend or girlfriend, you should ask yourself, why?  I think that the reason people become controlling is because they are afraid that losing control will mean their boyfriend/girlfriend will dump them.  If your relationship is based on fear, that is really bad.  Luckily for those of us who follow Jesus, there is help!  God says that he will never leave you or forsake you, and that He will walk with you through every moment of your life.  If this is true, it means you can trust God with every part of your life, including your dating relationships.  The more we trust God with our dating life, the more we can trust our boyfriend/girlfriend too, instead of trying to control them.

 I know somebody who really, really, wanted to date a girl, and spent a long time convincing her to be his girlfriend.  Once she agreed the thought of ever losing her having her was scary, he worried about that a LOT.  One day he got a call from the girl telling him that she wasn’t interested in being his girlfriend anymore.  Just like that, his biggest fear had come true, and his girlfriend had dumped him.  But guess what?  Life went on!  There were other people in his life that loved him, and he was able to have lots of fun with other friends and family in his life, rather than putting all of his energy into this one dating relationship.

 I want you to know that if you have ever felt like this, like all of your thoughts and dreams revolve around one person, and believe life wont be complete without them- it’s just not true.  For those of you who follow Jesus, know that he is the only person we cannot live without.  He is more than enough for all of our needs; He helps us through bad break ups and other messy times in our lives. 

Being in a relationship with Him is the most important thing, and letting that trust in him be the focus of all our other relationships is the best thing in the world!

Respecting yourself and Your Boundaries

Pastor Jon says: ”It is very important when entering into a relationship, to be very confident of what you believe to be right and wrong, and then to communicate that right at the beginning of the relationship. If the person you are with cannot respect your boundaries and more importantly you, than that is a very clear sign that the person is someone you don’t want to be with. “

Donna says-" I haven’t skied a ton on black diamond runs at various ski resorts. My kids would want you to know they have done way more then me! But, let me tell you this, I have done my share! I notice when you ski in the mountains, there are some boundaries clearly marked out due to danger of an avalanche. There a large signs telling you “ Danger, do not ski here!! Avalanche zone! “.

 It makes me think of dating and the boundaries that need to be in place, for your own sake and the sake of the person you are dating.

 I know that in ski country, lots of people love risk and they ski in the danger zones. In fact, some prefer it. They love the thrill, not counting the cost to themselves or those who they entice to join them on their perilous run.

 If you give yourself to someone without boundaries or commitment, in my mind, it is like skiing in the danger zone. You may find your heart breaks even more if this person who claimed to love you.-walks away. Maybe you feel disregarded, used, lied to and struggle to trust again.

 But you are worth waiting for! There is plenty of "wall jewelry" available. In the store I work at, the inexpensive jewelry is hanging on the wall. The good stuff is under glass. You need to ask. It is special, protected.

 You are special. You are worth the wait. Not cool enough?

 I remember a guy who I was counseling years ago in a high school I worked at. He was good looking, popular and great at sports. He was dating a very, very popular girl. When they were alone, she started to take her clothes off because sex had been a part of every relationship she had been in. Every guy she had been with seemed to only want one thing from her, causing her to feel as if she owed it to them. He stopped her. He believed that sex was for marriage and wanted to live by that belief. He respected her and himself. She couldn’t comprehend someone wanting to get into her heart and that was it! In his life, love was not expressed by a sexual act. She was felt rejected and confused. His explanation was too hard to understand and she broke up with him.

Not everyone is "doing it". It does not make your relationship better. It may complicate it.

 Too late you say? I don't think so. It is a new day and you are still worth waiting for. Find someone who believes it and don’t settle.  Your decisions of today can have consequences that last a lifetime.

Don't believe me? Look around. There is no shortage of people living with the burden of their choices.

Dating and Some of the Nightmares that go along with it!

It has been a long time since I was in the dating world but that does not mean I never think about it. I have two sons not yet married who are on that very scene and trying to navigate it. To be honest, it sounds a bit  like a minefield.

I have asked our youth Pastor Jon Lefave to work with me over the next weeks/ months to help me put this mini series together.  My hope is to simply give to you some tools to navigate this journey, which is both exciting but potentially heartbreaking as well.

Some of the topics we are going to address are:
1. Respecting yourself and putting up some boundaries for your relationship.
2. What to do when Relationships get too controlling.
3. How to be an amazing first date - then and thereafter.
4. Stuff guys do that make girls feel like zero’s
5. Stuff girls do that make guys feel like zero’s
6. Some signs of the high maintenance girl/boyfriend. Why you don’t want to be like this. Take our quiz.
7. How to really impress a girl.
8. When breaking up is hard to do and how to do it with respect and integrity.
9. To commit or not commit, that is the question.
10. “Call Me Maybe... Not”
11. If I am a Christian, should I date a Non- Christian?
12. How to survive a break -up.

To begin however, we do have a few thoughts before we begin this journey. We will likely add on topics as we get inspired. We are not experts, but we do know a thing or two we think may be helpful.

Jon says : “I would like to preface all of these questions by saying that if you are in elementary school, or even early years of high school, then you should strongly consider and ask yourself the reasons as to why you are dating. Well actually there is never an age when you shouldn’t be asking yourself these questions, however for those who are significantly younger with no real vision of marriage close by, I would suggest being friends and waiting until you’re older. For those who want to follow Jesus, these can be very formative years in your life where you are learning to look to Him (Jesus) for the truths of your identity. If you enter into a dating relationship only so that they can tell you things you feel like you need to hear or else you’ll be sad or lonely, you should not be dating. Let Jesus affirm you and ground you at an early age in who you are and how much he cares for you.”

Donna says:  “I told my daughter she could date when she was 31. Finally when she turned 16 she asked me honestly, when can I date? I told her when she was 17. The whole dating thing is fun but it can be heartbreaking. When people make promises they fail to keep and in the process you get your heart broken… that is not fun.  
You need to know what you really want in a guy or girl that you are going to date and maybe one day marry.  Make a wish list. Not so much blue or brown eyes and what colour hair. Think about things like their character. How will they act towards you? Would they lie to you? Would they cheat on you? Would they disrespect you and your rules?  How do you want to be treated?  What does being loved truly look like to you? No ideas? If you have a Bible or even want to check it out online, look up 1Corinthians 13: 4-7, these verses will give you a few good ideas of what might be on your list.

So, that is your homework for this week. Look at what Jon said. Take that to heart. Then get busy on your list. 

Jesus Misses the Boat.

It would have been a simpler boat ride that morning if Jesus would have just gone with His  disciples from the get-go.

 Jesus had it firmly in His mind that He wanted some Father/Son time and sends the guys ahead. Fine.  Your heart has to go wee bit out to these guys. It’s the middle of the night, a moonlight sky (maybe, it would be nice). In the distance the guys cannot believe what they are seeing, they assume it has to be a ghost. None of them personally knew anyone who had walked on water…. Ever.

 A few weeks ago I was at a cottage, my friend waterskied barefoot. I was very impressed. Let me tell you, if he had walked behind the boat on water, I would have been speechless!!

 The guys are panicked and Jesus picks this up real quick. He says, “ Take courage, it is I. Don’t be afraid.

 It is very easy to get panicked in this life; there is no shortage of troubles.

 I am impressed that Peter and these guys did not all jump overboard! Peter asks Jesus if it really is him, to call to him and allow him to walk on water too!! (I am not so sure that is what I would have done.) Jesus invites him to come and out steps Peter, walking on water. He can honestly say, he has never done this before.!!

 Peter, distracted by the wind and the waves, takes his eyes off Jesus and starts sinking. Christ immediately responds to his plea for help. Christ does not delay.

 I think it is significant that the sea was not like glass the night Peter walked on water. How often do our lives look like that … really?

 Frequently we all find the wind and the waves overwhelming and we fail to see the One who stands right in front of us.

 He is greater and able to help us in the days of wind and waves. He sees the beginning from the end. He loves us and has good plans for our lives.

 His hand is extended to you and I. We need to reach up and grab it.

There is hope.

This entry is based on Matthew 14:22-32

Worry warts anonymous!

Does worry haunt at least some of your days? Do you feel your hands almost itching because you cannot control the very thing that has your heart weighed down?

 I come from a family of worriers. My mom was good at it , other family members were good at it. Funny how there are some things you don't have to learn, they just are. It makes me think of freckles that make themselves at home on my skin! Worry is costly though , have you ever considered that? It is like a quiet thief that steals our joy. If we worry too much, it can actually make you sick. That is what happened to me.

 I know that I do not always learn as quick as I ought. I need obvious lessons sometimes... Sadly as they may be.

One day a few years ago, my son had a very important interview. I was talking to my husband on my cell phone while walking down a very busy street. I said "good bye" to him and hung up the phone. Then stepped onto the street to cross... Right in front of a truck. He swerved to miss me and I ran almost in front of a jeep. My arms brushed his vehicle while I tried to stop. All the traffic was now stopped. I walked stunned to the other side of the road knowing that I had come ridiculously close to a very serious accident, if not death. What drove me to step out on the road you ask? Worry. It blinded me. It almost cost me my life.

Worry is not our friend. It is a greedy beast that steels our joy, skews our view, it makes us sick if we let it.

Jesus says" do not worry, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew6:34

For me, I will chose today to not worry. I will trust that God is big enough for all that weighs my heart down. How about you? What are you going to do today with your backpack of worries?

Sandy Beaches and Life?

 It is curious the way we see our lives, living like the days are without end.  One image is perhaps thinking of them as sand on a beach. On second glance we realize it is not life but rather time.

When I was 12, I had a lot of friends who discovered the "magic" of booze. Some of those friends by the time they were in grade 9 craved a greater  "high" and switched over to drugs. Acid was often the drug of choice.

 One dark night, I heard the sirens blaring and stopped just outside our apartment. There lying on the road was one of these girls. She was baby-sitting, high on something; she was running across the street for some cigarettes. Tragically, my friend did not see the delivery truck that was racing down the road. She stepped right in front of it and it was the last thing she ever did.

 I had known this girl since I had started school. It never crossed our minds that life was not like sand on the beach.

 I was thinking the other day how life is more like a huge table set with many cups of tea. Each cup is like a day and you only get one cup at a time. You also discover you never drink the same cup twice.

 The day comes however, when we have drank all the cups that were  set out for us by the One who determines our days.

 May we drink wisely and well today. May the cup, even though at times is bitter, be regarded as the precious gift it is.

Contentment....not always easy to come by!

Whinning and complaining is so easy to do. It takes no training whatsoever. I am not sure about you, but I seem to come by it pretty naturally. I like to think I have overcome it....

A few weeks ago , I was off to a cottage with my husband Bill for a few days. It was warm and sunny every day!It felt like summer and I loved it! There is something about the sun that warms you all the way to your toes                                            

The drive home was a different story. I found myself complaining about all kinds of things,I can't even remember what they were now. The next day I was speaking at a ladies meeting. I didn't have a clue what I was going to say. I wanted it to be fresh,real and honest.  I asked God to just just give me a word that I could talk about with the women. Well let me tell you, I waited a long long time. Finally, very early in the morning I heard only one word..."contentment". 

I was so hoping for a nicer word, prayer,praise,anything,but that. Talk about a lack of contentment! So, I opened my Bible and read Phillipians 4:12-13. If you read the verses, Paul talks about how he has learned the secret of being content in every circumstance. What is the secret?

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthes me"(Phil. 4:13).

Practising contentment is a choice. I am in need of help however and I do look to God to help me. This is another one day at a time battle.

How are you doing in it?

Hope for Heavy Hearts

There are times when I honestly think... will it ever be sunny again; outside or even in our lives? Some days can be pretty discouraging. We all have great days and not so great. The question is how to make a rainy day not seem quite so dark?

It has been a particularly rough week for Bill and I. I feel weary and a wee bit discouraged to be honest with you. I find it easier to believe God when the sun shines and everything is at it should be-according to me anyway. 

That is not how life works out though. Hard things happen. People make bad choices and we suffer the consequences with them. Then there are people very dear to us, who get sick and recovery looks doubtful. Yet God promises us in His word that He is with us. He helps us through the storms that life seems to land on our path. 

How do you get the stuff you know is true in your head to land and seep into your heart? To be honest with you, for me, it is a choice. I switch what I am staring at. If I keep staring at what is breaking my heart, then the clouds will remain, even when the sun shines outside my window.

Psalm 37:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." It comforts me to know that He is near. When my heart aches, He is not far off. That comforts me.

Isaiah 41:10 is one of my favorite verses. It  says "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed-( or lose courage),for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand".

You may think- well, your troubles must be over if you are thinking like this. No they are not over, my heart is still troubled- deeply troubled. I chose today to put into God's  hands these burdens which weigh me down. I will likely have to give them to Him again in about an hour. It is like that sometimes, especially when the burdens are  people precious to you. God is right there, waiting to receive back the very burden I gave over to Him three times already today. He is patient though. He gives me peace again. I put my eyes on Him.

He is bigger then any cloudy day or difficulty we face. He may not "fix" things the way I want Him to or even with the speed I think He should. He will take care of it though. 

He wants us to trust Him. His love for you on this day has not changed. May you find hope and peace for your heart today!

Words and No Words….

It is amazing the freedom some people have to say whatever they want, whenever they want. Sometimes, it is no big deal…. But others, it is quite the opposite. 

 Our words can have three different effects, one can breathe life, and one can suck the life right out of you…. Some can leave you unchanged.

 It is hard to know what to say in every circumstance. Let it be said, sometimes silence is the best option.

 We live in a culture where silence is not very popular.  I remember a story my husband Bill told me. He was a very young man at the time. He arrived at a very remote reserve in Northern Manitoba. He knew not a soul. To his utter delight a knock came to the door of his humble cabin. There before him stood a grandfather with his grandson. These guests had come for a visit. Bill was full of questions and noted very quickly however, that they had not come to talk. Just share his company. Silence followed for the next 30 minutes. The old fellow got up and said “ thank you for the nice visit. We will come back”.  Then they left.

 To be honest with you, silence is not my strong suit. I know however, there are sometimes, when that is simply what is best. Learning to be good with just silence. Wow, what a challenge. It is something to think about anyway. Even silence can be life giving.

When the times for words to be spoken do come, may they be well chosen and may  there be just enough and no more.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12: 18.

A Mary Moment

  Just think for a minute what that night or day might have been like for Mary. Having a visit with an angel would be a lot of excitement for anyone. That is for sure. If just the citing of this angel were not enough, the greeting would blow you right over. “ Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you”. (Luke 1:28)

   Wow, what does a life look like that receives that kind of attention from the Lord? Greatly favored. I doubt she was terribly rich. She was not engaged to a king, just a carpenter. No offense to carpenters… they just are not kings!  Everything I have ever heard about Mary and her life up to this point is pretty humble.

   Her response to this word is what I think sets Mary apart. On the news “” But the angel said to her, “ Do not be afraid, Mary, You have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.” (Luke 1-30-33).

 She does point out some pretty clear challenges from a human point of view – virgin- no husband, stuff like that. When the angel goes on to say that the “The Hoy Spirit will come upon you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.”

 Personally, I would have fainted at that point.

 Not Mary, she just receives this news“ I am the Lord’s servant, “ Mary answered. ‘May it be to me as you have said” Then the angel left her. Luke 1:38

 The main thing that hits me in this account today is simply the way she received the message. She did not point out to the angel her inadequacies; she simply received the plans God had for her. As unbelievably far stretching  this all sounded.

Mary challenges me to receive what  God has given me to do. Am I the best choice? Am I worthy?  Can I really do it? All those questions come racing to my mind. Then I see Mary, the Mother of my Lord. She trusted God, against all odds.

 May I be found doing the same. How about you? What is being asked of you these days? Mary was a pretty humble lady yet she found favor in God’s eyes.

          God’s eye is on the sparrow( Mat 10:29). That is a common bird, even in my backyard.

 



Keep Going!

Quitting was very heavy on my mind when  I was cross-country skiing with a 50lb. back pack. We had climbed ten miles up the mountain. The winding trails seemed endless. We were between two mountain peaks. Our guide said we needed to pass through quickly as the weather changes very rapidly at that elevation. If a snowstorm hit or the clouds came, we would not find our way easily.

I was beyond exhausted and so were the girls I had taken on this crazy adventure. I can’t remember if they were crying, I sure felt like it.

 I remembered a promise God gives in the Bible.

 Isaiah 40:30-31” Even youths grow tired and weary, and young mean stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will walk and not be faint.”

 That sounded pretty good to us at that moment. We called out to God for new legs, new back and renewed strength. We were desperate. God touched us on the top of that mountain. He gave what we asked for. I have never forgotten. It was more years ago then I want to admit to you. The lesson however is one I will never forget.

 Are you exhausted? Discouraged? Is the mountain before you overwhelming?

 There is One who gives strength and renews hope for the journey. Call to God, He does listen.

 You must ask wholeheartedly and believe. He knows the way through the mountains.  



Loving people on the dark and cloudy days…. Even the not nice ones.

 People are cool. I like people. I like talking to them, hanging out with them, listening to them, even when they tell me the same story twice…

 To be honest however- not all people are on my “ please hang out with me, you are easy to love list”.

 I love when people are nice, laugh at my jokes, like the cookies I bake…

 Then there is this other group- not so wild about me, could not care less about the kindness I show them- even worse, takes pleasure in pointing out if I gain weight, horrors like that, don’t even feel bad!!

 My immediate reaction-“ off the list with you!”

 Yet I read in my Bible in Luke 6:35-36 – Jesus words which once again stands all my justified responses on its head!

 Verse 35” But love your enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great and you will be sons and daughters of the Most High”

 Why Jesus should I do this?

 Verse36” Because He is kind to the UNGRATEFUL and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful”.

 When you read these verses all I can say is “REALLY?” Be kind to the people who are unkind to me? Not even just that, but love them!

If all this is not enough, he even says I should lend to these people and not expect to ever receive back what was given.

 Here is what I know. The level of love in action that is being asked here is well beyond me. I need the Author of love and grace to fill me daily. In and of myself, I am not able. How about you?



Stuff You Can't Take Back

I wish words that have been spoken could be returned as easily as the sweater upstairs I bought awhile ago. But, that is not how it works in real life.

 Rather it ushers in stuff like guilt… possibly a sleepless night.

 What are you suppose to do? You can’t take it back. You go , apologize very kindly, and hope they forgive you. Usually they do accept your apology…. Sadly sometimes they don’t. Then what are you suppose to do.

 When this happened to me, the lady was so angry with me, she gave me the cold shoulder. I went and apologized again with little change.

 I was left feeling horrid. Eventually I realized the ball was in her court. I had done everything I could do.

 The next decision I made was to not find myself in the same position in the future.  I learned the very hard way to think before I speak. I try to clarify what I meant really fast. I can’t stand when I think someone is upset with me. I am not afraid to say hard things, but I try to say it kindly and with love.

 Do I ever get it wrong? Yep. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I am pretty good at apologizing because I have had so much practice.

 James1:19 “ Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Col 3:13. “ Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”



The Art of Great Conversation

 I have never been much of a tennis player, but I do know a good game when I see one. The ball goes flying over the net and back again. You don’t see one player bouncing the ball and becoming distracted playing by themselves. Nor do you see the ball going over the net while the opponent just watches the ball go by and lets it just lay there. Now both of those scenarios would make for a very boring game.

 Conversations that are amazing are kind of like that. You both have something to say. It is not a monologue, you say something, they respond. You don’t go on and on about yourself because that is just like playing with the tennis ball on one side of the court. It gets boring pretty fast. It is not like you can’t talk about yourself, but know when you have lost the interest of the one who is listening. I read something once that stuck in my head like glue. “No one is as interested in what you are saying as you”.

 In the same way, don’t let the ball just roll past you, unless it is a not worth pursuing. That also takes some consideration.

 It is always great when you talk or you listen, you look the person in the eyes. That is part of the art of communication, not to mention  knowing what to say and when you have said enough already! It takes awhile to learn that. I feel like I am still learning.

 James 1:19” Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”.

Freedom in Forgiveness

There was an old pair of running shoes I used to wear. They were perfect. They looked gross, but I didn’t care. They felt great and they molded to my feet like a leather glove to my hand.

Bitterness and unforgiveness is a little like that old pair of running shoes. It’s not at all hard to get used to it.  In fact, it can even be comfortable.

I remember the time when I was first told that I needed to forgive my alcoholic father for all that he had done.  My first thought was "That's outrageous! He doesn’t deserve it,” not today or tomorrow or even a million years from now.

The next shocking piece of news I received was the idea that there is freedom in forgiveness. What in the world does that mean?

It is not like you lose the memory of whatever happened, but the power of that memory loses its intensity.

When I was a kid, I loved firecrackers. I loved lighting them and seeing them explode. The bigger the better. There are some simple things you can do that can greatly wreck the whole blowing up part, like soaking it in water, drying it out and then lighting it. It doesn’t work. It is still a firecracker. It smoked, but it lost its bang.

Forgiveness, when done from the heart, it sort of like that soaked firecracker.  In the Bible, Jesus tells His followers to forgive their enemies. If you have said the Lord’s prayer you will remember, it says, “Forgive us our debts as we have also forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).

It sounds like crazy advice. Yet, when I forgave my dad, the angry and painful memories  lost their grip on my heart. Anger started to melt away. I had to forgive him for all kinds of stuff over the years as I remembered more not so great things. You have to start somewhere though. I started with what was the most clear to me.

Not all this happens quickly.  It’s slow, but sure. I asked Jesus to help me with this stuff.

Maybe there is someone you need to forgive. You can ask Him too. He will give you courage and peace. He is like that.

Check this forgiveness stuff out. See what you think.

D.

Blisters of My Soul

You can’t see them but you may notice their effect.

Those blisters are what make me see only clouds on a sunny day.

Blisters make me critical of the people I meet, though they may never hear it.

My cup seems empty when in fact it is rather full.

I complain about stupid things.

I hold onto grudges and rather than forgive.

I have anger that is gently peculating just below the surface.

These blisters seem to trouble my hearing. I hear in a distorted manner. I assume what was never said and it is not positive.

My joy is short lived and hope eludes me. People don’t seek me out and I find I am alone.

I desperately need to find healing for these blisters but there is no salve or prescription available.

I need someone who can reach into my heart and heal these things. They are stealing away my life.

I am tired of them.